Yesterday at about 10 pm, I got a WhatsApp message on my number from my son's school friend's mother. They are no longer together from class 5 and earlier in primary school; they were thick friends at the beginning. My son joined the school in January 2020, when we shifted to a different place, outside Karlsruhe. This friend stayed close to our house, and that's how they hung out together even after school. His mom invited me for tea; we got to know each other, and I was happy that I have a friend here in this new place.
Two years went well because the schools were running in batches, and depending on when the classes were conducted, these two boys met each other and played with one another. Slowly, my son realized that his friend uses a lot of abusive words while speaking casually and gets aggressive at the drop of a hat. In fourth grade, many problems started creeping up in their friendship, and I tried my best to resolve matters with him and his mother. However, I realized that his mother was unwilling to accept that her son had a problem and that he had behavioral issues. There was almost a physical fight between him and other boys every month in the after-school childcare.
I felt very bad for my son when his friend pulled him into a controversy surrounding their class teacher. That was a very stressful period for me and my son. I realized that he was bullying everyone around him, and my son blindly wanted to stick with him as a friend. I talked with my son and made him understand the situation and that it was not going to work out like this when that friend put my son down and used abusive words against him. He had to choose friends wisely, but he was just 10 years old, and he clearly couldn't think as an adult.
We slowly started having less contact with the friend and his mother. On the last day of school, at the get-together of kids and parents, this friend again sidelined my son and ruined the whole evening by making him cry. Even after this incident, my son spoke to him as if nothing had happened. Boys are boys, aren't they?
They kept in contact sporadically during the summer holidays, and I was happy that this friend was not going to be there with my son from class 5. The boy's group from the old school kept in touch via WhatsApp, and that's where that friend used abusive words for me, calling my son "the son of a bitch" and "gay." He probably didn't understand what that meant or was in a fit of rage. But nevertheless, that was the last straw for me. My son felt very bad about it too and informed the friend's mother. Yet again, she was blinded by her love for her son, and she wrote to my son that even he (my son) had used abusive words before and that she should have reported it to me a long time ago. My son is just not used to saying any words that make another person uncomfortable. He has never uttered any words like these when he was angry or not willing to listen to us. All his friends know that, and the parents too. I told my son to stop interacting with him completely. My son felt very hurt mentally, but he stayed away from him, this time with great resolve. I never went to his friend's mother and talked about this incident. I just didn't want to engage in any conversation with her because I knew she would support her son, and rightly so, being his mother, and I would do so too for my son.
Last night, she sent me a long message again about how my son was troubling her son and trying to talk to him when he didn't want to talk. I knew all the stories behind this because my son had told me how he was not involved in anything and how their common friends had tried to irritate this friend by doing some pranks, but not at the behest of my son.
My forehead grew hot, and I almost wrote a reply to her message, trying to prove or justify how my son was not guilty and that she should try to evaluate why all his old friends are against her son. But then it occurred to me that it was not going to help. It was not going to make things better. The conversation could have taken an ugly turn, and I don't know where it would have ended up. I chose to not respond at all. I chose not to ruin my mood over her views on my son. She was not so important in my life that I should have given her the time to respond or mend matters. There are enough negativities in this world. I don't want to encourage one more negative person in my life. I don't have the time or mood for it. I would rather invest my time in something constructive. I also decided that it was going to be the end of all conversations with her. Though I had deleted her number long ago, it seems she still had my number. Now she won't be able to send me any messages, and our lives would be better without her and her son.
We were in school, too, and grew up with friends, but there were never so many escalations in our lives, and we never abused any of our friends or their families.I sometimes feel bad that my son won't be able to have "true" and "real" friends in this modern world. They'd never understand true friendship or what it's like to stay in touch with old friends for years.
And the chapter is now closed for me! By not responding and staying silent on this matter, I think I got my point across well.
Very well written.....
ReplyDelete