Time changes everything

A trip to Dombivli was planned 2 months in advance as my brother-in-law was getting married in Novemeber. Train bookings were done, well in advance and everything was planned for that 1 week stay. I was happy that I will be meeting all the relatives on Atul's side and will be able to enjoy the wedding before the baby arrives. Once the baby arrives, I may not be able to concentrate on social activities as earlier, at least till he/she grows well enough to understand such celebrations.

But suddenly, Atul had to go to Germany for a month and all my enthusiasm and plans seemed to be fast vanishing in thin air. How was I going to travel alone and who would have accompanied me to Mumbai from Bangalore. As usually happens, the rock in my life, of course my dad came running to Bangalore and took me to Mumbai for the wedding! And I was going to be there till Atul returned to Bangalore and then to Mumbai to fetch me. That means I was going to be there for 1 good month! I was so excited and happy!

The train journey of 24 hrs from Bangalore to Mumbai cost me a lot healthwise. I had a severe pain in the lower back and was unable to walk properly or sit for longer hours. I had to consult a gynaec there and he told me that baby is doing fine, so then mentally I was ready to bear the pain! I am generally sensitive to all kinds of physical pains, but for my baby, I was ready to bear anything and everything. This is what motherhood is all about I think! So, after taking medicines, I was able to attend the wedding and enjoy it too! I met most of the relatives and they were happy to see me and they congratulated me for the very special joy which was about to fill our lives in April next year! I enjoyed all the limelight and the blessings showered on me and had a wonderful time meeting and catching up. Of course, I missed my dearest hubby, but some things cannot be avoided, isn't it?

After spending 2 weeks in my hometown at my maternal home, slowly I started missing Bangalore, my home, the weather, my office. My house in Dombivli is on the main road. Main road means lot of noise and dust and yes, mosquitoes in winter!!! I wondered to myself, I spent 24 years of my life in this very city, in this very house and now suddenly why are things looking so different to me? I am unable to bear the dust on the roads, I got dust allergy. I was unable to sleep at night due to the constant noise of the vehicles on the road and the crowd on the road frightened me. I did not dare to go down for a walk in the evening as I feared that someone would come and knock me down. I was not in any hurry, but the people around me were always running. This is a typical day in life of a Mumbaikar! I was very much part of it when I was in college and found that life quite challenging and interesting. But now after spending 7 yrs in Bangalore, I am out of that race and that thrill and enjoy being laid back and like to lead a silent and slow life. I have been amongst those fortunate ones whose office is near to their house and who do not spend time commuting in Bangalore. I also had the support of my maids, who cooked for me and kept the house clean for me! I had to manage other things in the house, but my husband and my parents, in-laws helped me in every possible way. I did not realize that we already have 5.5 years of marriage behind us and now we are getting ready to welcome a new member to this family!

Back in Mumbai, my parents and grandmother were doing their every little bit to make my stay comfortable there and now as I was expecting, they were pampering me very much. This is the last session of your pampering, my parents told me! I said, yes, I know! All this time, I was the focus of attention and now the focus of attention was going to change in few months time, for good!

Why did this change happen in me? Have I become selfish that I no more like my parent's place or have become so much addicted to the life in Bangalore that life in Mumbai seems boring to me? I love my parents and the maternal house, but still I longed to go back to Bangalore, which was my home only from past 7 years? Why? Have the bonds of love weakened?  No, I do not think so. It is just that we get adjusted to the life we live daily and that routine becomes a set patternt for us. A change of few days, say a week or two in other places feels good, but then the yearning to get back to the old routine and old life starts.

I am sure, you all will agree to me. Time changes our habits and perception about people, places and things. It can be for good or for bad. It also depends on how you take the change in your perception about the people and things around you!

So far I am glad to be back to namma Bengaluru and enjoying the city and my home sweet home! And I am very much looking forward to go back to my maternal home with the baby next year!

Baby girl or baby boy

This year has been a year of babies.

At least 10 people of my acquaintance have a new addition to their family and 8 of them have been blessed with a baby girl. The very mention of her makes me so happy. Arrival of a baby girl in one of my close friend's life set me thinking. 

I have been the only child to my parents and was born after 11 generations of boys in my family. My grand-parents were very happy and they named me Deepa very lovingly because I was born around the time of Diwali and supposedly I brought light to their home and lives. My family spared no means to educate me and they encouraged me in everything which I took up. Without them, I wouldn't have been where I am today. The relationship of a daughter with her father is totally different and the daughters who share a wonderful rapport with their fathers can very well identify what I am saying. This is one of the reasons, I want a baby girl because I want my husband to experience that bond and make him realize how delicate and beautiful the world is with a baby girl around. He is always amused by the way I talk to my parents daily and keep them updated of almost everything happening in my life. I want him to go through all those phases and experiences so that he would understand why exactly a father is so protective of his daughter and why does a daughter consider her father the strongest man in the world!

My friends in other countries already know whom they are going to welcome at the end of 9 months. My radiologist might have also come to know whom me and my family are going to welcome in April. But as sex determination is banned in India, none of the doctors disclose it to the prospective parents now.  I really pity those people who consider girls as a burden and abort the fetus after determining the sex of the baby. It also had reasons because dowry was so prevalent then that fathers who had more daughters were the sufferers. Women weren't educated that time and so they couldn't support their parents after getting married. But now, things have changed and women have become independent and good decision makers. They love their parents till the end and support them in every possible way. Same can't be said and expected from boys nowadays. 

My husband grew with a younger brother with no experience of the delicate nature and world of girls at all. If he had a sister, things would have been a little different, but then that was not to be. So, when I got married to him, his world was the other side of the hemisphere to me as I never grew up with a brother. So, the world of boys and their behavior and attitude was totally new to me. I took a lot of time to understand that when boys do not express their thoughts does not mean that they do not care for people around them. It is just a way they are comfortable with.

I console myself saying if at all I give birth to a baby boy, it would be a learning experience for me as to why are boys like boys. Their world, their choices are different. Why not? They are physiologically different than the girls. They are more aggressive and logical and girls tend to be more sensitive and emotional.

Little girls play with dolls and they like to dress up. There are so many choices available for them in the market when it comes to clothing. They are tender and soft when it comes to things. Boys are happy with guns and trains and airplanes and they are more interested in dismantling a toy rather than playing with it. Once they start going to school, they become independent and their emotional attachment with mother and father takes a backseat. But girls are always attached to their parents, no matter how old they grow and how successful they become.

I do not mean to do a girls vs. boys comparison here. Both are very unique and different and the experience I am going to have with one of them is also going to teach me a lot of things and is going to enrich me as a human being.

Be it a baby girl or a baby boy.

Either ways, I am going to be a mom and there is no happiness larger than this.

Important is that the baby is going to belong to us and we are going to see it grow and flourish in front of our eyes.