A year that was 2023

As I sit writing this post, just one and a half hours before Germany rings into the new year, I am overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the year that was 2023. There were many firsts this year and the events and people have brought sheer joy and gratitude into my life. 

January 2023 began with a bang when for the first time in my life, my black beauty came home, my Mercedes A 160, which not only captured my heart but also gave me a new confidence of being able to drive around in Germany, having successfully managed to get a German driving licence. I was on the lookout for a new job nearby where I stayed and a close friend referred me there and helped me secure the position in the new company. 

I went to the interview in my car. Having the car helped me change my job for better prospects and I was excited at the new opportunity the new colleagues and the new working atmosphere. 

But at the time of joining the company on 1st April, I was down with Corona and had to shift my joining date by 11 days. During that time my friends staying close by helped me out with food and other stuff and I will always be thankful for having them around. 

I started a Ram Raksha Chanting group from Gudhi Padwa this year and that group has grown into a wonderful, well-connected group where we meet online every Wednesday to chant Ram Raksha Stotra and Maruti Stotra. We also celebrated special occasions like Ashadhi Ekadashi and Navratra, everything online. 

In May, we went on a two-week trip to Pune for my son's thread ceremony. He was already 11 by then, but we had lost three years owing to the pandemic. So we decided to do the ritual this year with excellent planning by my husband,  in-laws, and parents. The trip was short but could meet most of the relatives from both sides and it was a great catch-up for my son to meet so many people whom as a kid he hadn't met as we have spent many years in Germany. 

In this thread ceremony, my husband's cousin sister gifted me the Bhagwad Geeta and that started my journey into this enchanting world of learning the chapters from Bhagwad Geeta from July this year. I was able to slowly recite the different chapters with the help of an online institution called Geeta Pariwar. All I had to do was commit 40 minutes of my time daily and now I can chant seven chapters from the Bhagwad Geeta. I spend time listening to different interpretations of those chapters and try to inculcate those values and morals in my daily behavior. 

My mom visited me from June to August and I took her around to a few places in my car and with my friends. She loved the season and the time flew by like crazy.

We celebrated Ganesh Chaturthi at home as a family and I got many invitations from different friends this year for Ganpati Darshan. It felt like the good old times in Mumbai. 

I participated in an online musical project by the talented musician, Nishad Phatak residing in Munich, and did recording for the Ganpati Stotra by going to a musical studio with many other fellow singers in July. It was a great experience and we all thoroughly enjoyed the process of practicing together. The final song gave us goosebumps and we were very happy to be able to sing for Lord Ganesha. The song was released during the Ganesh Chaturthi in September and all my near and dear ones liked the song. 

My mother-in-law came to Germany in October. We celebrated Navratri together at home and visited Golu at a Tamilian friend's home. My mom-in-law was a great help and company for me in chanting the Bhagwad Geeta together as she had done it long back in 2016. She helped me to improve my pronunciation and taught me the meanings too. She also taught the 12th chapter to a group of kids and a group of my women friends during her tenure here. We both want the whole world to experience the joy of being acquainted with Bhagwad Geeta and try to encourage everyone to start learning to chant it properly. 

We also celebrated Diwali together by calling over a few friends at home and visiting a few on other days. I took Diwali snack boxes and a small Diya as a gift to my colleagues at work. Everyone was pleasantly surprised and appreciated my gesture. After all, we Indians like to share and care, don't we?

We celebrated the Geeta Jayanti at my place on 23rd December where my mother-in-law and one more friend chanted all 18 chapters of Bhagwad Geeta by sitting for three and a half hours. There were a few other friends who had joined and it was an overall very satisfying and enriching experience. 

On the personal front, I would say that it was a very spiritually enriching year for me and I want to explore more deeply into it in 2024. There are so many things that I don't know from my own Sanatan Dharma and I would like to equip myself better with the knowledge of the rich heritage of Bharat. I want to commit myself to becoming more spiritual and less materialistic. I would like to encourage people to find their true identity by introducing them to Bhagwad Geeta. 

That's my true calling and purpose in life.  

Roots

My son, aged 11 years old has spent more than half of his life in Germany, and sometimes he acts more German than Indian which becomes a little harder for me to digest and accept. I sometimes feel he is getting away from my roots, my culture, my belief system, the Indian food ecosystem, the morals and values, and in general away from everything that is Indian for me. But there are times when there are pleasant surprises and there comes a small sign from above that assures me that it's not as bad as I assume or believe it to be. 

Yesterday evening, my son went to stay over for the night with a friend from his old primary school. The friend's parents own a restaurant and his elder siblings (both in their twenties) are often away at work at the restaurant. Yesterday evening the boys had no cooked home meal for dinner and had to fend themselves with a sandwich.  As the parents were away and the boys had no money to buy anything, they had no other choice but to eat whatever was available at home. They must have slept late at night and my son was supposed to come back home by 12 today.  

I called him up at 10 am today and he told me that they had just got up, his voice seemed a little tired and I got a whim about last night and that they just had a sandwich. He asked me if he could bring his friend over, but I told him not to as I thought it would be too much time together that could lead to boredom or fights between them. I asked him to come home alone and he came home at 11:30 itself.

Immediately when he entered, he asked me what was there for breakfast. We hadn't prepared any. I offered him tea and a leftover poli (Indian bread) from yesterday. Without uttering a single word, he devoured the poli and drank the tea, had one Khakra with tea, and went to play. 

My mom-in-law fasts on Mondays and Thursdays. She usually has only one meal on these days, but because I wanted to eat sabudana thalipeeth, she prepared it for all of us and we sat at the dining table to eat at lunchtime. He ate everything that was on his plate, without any commentary or remark. That was a surprise for me. While talking over lunch, he said his friend wanted him to stay longer and go around the city on different trams. But my son didn't want to as he was very hungry and was missing Indian food. He didn't want to eat bread or pizza again at his friend's place and that was the reason he rushed home earlier than planned. He commended the thalipeeth that was prepared and he said it tasted lovely. Both my mother-in-law and I had a hearty laugh and felt good at his appreciation of Indian food. I hadn't given him any money yesterday when he left and the boys had assumed that the friend's sister would pay for them if they ordered from outside, but it didn't work out and she went out somewhere leaving the boys on their own. 

It was a good lesson and experience for my son and that brought out the best behavior today in him, he was thankful for the Indian food that was served to him today which on other days is ordinary and the same boring stuff for him. What a great positive difference did one meal at his friend's place make?

I often feel whatever positive efforts we as parents make, seep deep into the kids and some time or the other,  it reflects in their way of doing and handling things. The environment is different, they are exposed to so many things that have different values, morals, and codes of conduct, but as parents, it's our responsibility to make them aware of the rich Indian heritage and keep them connected with it as much as we can. 

These small lessons and experiences make us strong as parents and the belief in the goodness of values and beliefs inculcated in us by our earlier generations strengthens even more. 

We should try our best and leave the rest. 

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन |

मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि

As often quoted in the Bhagwad Geeta, one should keep on doing good actions and not be concerned about the results. The results of those good acts and actions have to be left to the Bhagwan. We are serving him through our actions as the individual soul is a tiny part of the Bhagwan. I am trying to follow it, but it's not easy as an Indian parent in the Western world, but also not impossible. To keep trying with loads of patience is the key.

 

Bygones be bygones?

My little brother K,

Yes, you will still be the little brother to me, though you are now all grown up now. I have held you in my arms right after you entered our world with a grinning smile. You made me a proud Tai and I couldn't stop looking at your tiny little hands that held my hands so firmly, to never let go. There was an age difference of around 15 years between us, but that was never a problem in our bonding. Your parents (my mama and mami) considered me as their elder daughter and I could spend a lot of time seeing you growing up, going to school gatherings with you, going to the Girgaon Chowpatty, and having fun during horse rides, having bhel puri, watching Tom and Jerry repeat telecasts with you and laughing our hearts out at all opportunities possible.

I introduced my life partner to our family after a few years and everyone was very happy. You were the happiest of all because you liked him very much and I dreamt of you both sharing a great camaraderie and rapport. I wanted you to come visit us in Bangalore and I would have shown you around and eaten so many delicacies with you. I wanted to do so much with you and for you. You were my only brother after all.

But that wasn't meant to be. Due to some misunderstandings between your parents and my mother, your parents completely stopped interacting with us. I didn't even know what was my fault that I was asked not to contact you or them at all. Later things got clear and I realized that it was unnecessary to continue the unnecessary tension and feud between us both. I contacted you on Facebook and wanted to keep in touch with you, but you told me that you didn't want to keep any contact with me and that I shouldn't contact you henceforth. I swallowed my tears, wished you well, and moved ahead in my life. 

Then after a few years, the news came that you were very unwell and needed help. My mom and I were ready to rush to you and be by your side, but then again we were blocked from meeting you and the relationship got more bitter and stale. That was the time when my mom and I realized that it was better not to try re-establishing contact with you or your parents. 

Many years have passed in between, and many developments have taken place in my life, I became a mother, and you became a mama. I wanted you to see my son, hold him in your hands, and talk to him, but when we met at a cousin's wedding, we didn't even make eye contact and avoided each other as though we had never met in our lives. 

We both lost our aaji in 2020, my mom her mother, and your dad his mother. She was the only common point remaining between the two siblings but with her, the last straw was gone too. I had written to your dad, sending him my condolences and he had replied. There was a faint glimmer of hope and I thought maybe now, things would be straightened out after so much water had gone below the bridge. But again it was me and my silly self hoping for something that was never going to happen again. I had invited you all to my son's thread ceremony,  but none of you came or sent your blessings or wishes. 

And suddenly last week, I got to know that you have got married. For a moment,  I was sad, thinking, I wasn't by your side at your happiest moment in life, but I am also very sure that you didn't miss me at all. All your near and dear ones must have been present at the most important day of your life. 

I am very happy for you dear brother. May all your wishes come true and may you always be blissful in your married life. Though I will probably never meet your life partner,  I wish her all the happiness and a happy life together. 

You will always be in my prayers and blessings. Though you have forgotten me, you still occupy a tiny corner of my heart. And time and again I revisit that tiny corner of my life and have a good time reminiscing the good times we spent together. 

I tried my best

to bridge the gap,

that people and circumstances

had created between us.

I tried my best to lend 

a helping hand 

and a loving heart,

and forget the rifts of the past.

But I think we were meant

to walk together only till this point,

Destined to go separate ways,

and be strangers again.