Today is my best friend Sonali's daughter's Zara's birthday. Zara is also my son's best friend and from morning I am thinking about her and the party which they will have in the evening. Last year we were all together, laughing and talking and eating. They will definitely miss us today but I am missing them and all my folks in Bangalore even more. She sent me the little one's pics in her new birthday dress. My son sent his wishes on a Voice message to his dear friend. She told me about the menu which partly she is going to prepare and partly going to order. She is going to cut a Peppa Pig birthday cake today. All my besties, Madhuri, Snehal, Rashmi and others are going to be there, but not me...
Nowadays I feel very lonely here and off late the feeling has been profound. It keeps on returning every single day, tears my heart out and makes way through the eyes in form of tears. It is quite surprising to me because I had thought with the weather getting better, my mood, my mental state will also be better but the contrary is happening. I am thinking of my home in Bangalore all the time, about my friends with whom I spent every single evening there and my family who is in Mumbai. The life is perfect here in Germany. No stress, no tension, no fear of going out alone at night, basic needs are taken care and are in abundance. Air is clean and non-polluted. Places are well connected with less hassles. Roads are well built and well lit. The life is here is quite peaceful, then why is my mind wandering back to the chaotic and polluted and crowded places in India?
What is happening to me? What is wrong with me? Why am I not happy after coming to the most progressive and free and rich country in the world? I see around and everybody is happy and then I think there's some problem in my head. I have all the time in the day, to do what I want, but still I am counting every single day to go back to India.I am preparing for a theory test to learn driving. I want to learn cycling which I will start soon. I write on and off. I read a lot on inner peace, meditation, lifestyle, fiction. I know the language which is spoken here. Language is not a barrier, but there are no people around to whom I can meet and connect on daily basis. It is too much to ask for in a European country, I know. Here everybody is busy in their own lives and a whole year is planned well in advance. I visit a few friends which I have made here in 4 months, sometimes with my kid, sometimes alone but still there is something inside that is lacking. Something is missing which makes me feel hollow from inside. I badly miss all the festivals which are celebrated in India. It was Holi last month, last week there was Marathi new year Gudi Padwa and throughout the year there are some or the other things which will be celebrated with much gusto and I won't be a part of it.
I often ask people I meet how do they feel here after spending 10-14 years and everybody is quite happy here, given the favorable conditions for their kids education and their own personal and professional growth. There are many women who told me that they continued staying here only because their husbands like it here and their kids are getting educated in a better manner with almost no competition and there is no dirty politics. Given a chance, after their kids are settled, they might even go back to India is what they told me. But I seriously doubt that will happen. They have their own groups here now. They work, they are independent, they are self-sufficient and have adjusted to the life here very well. I really admire their mental strength to settle here, away from their parents and friend circle, come here and make another life and friend circle here and consider this country as their own and live here till the end.
I need to change my attitude, I think. Being sensitive about people and things which are not a part of my life here is not going to take me anywhere. I will yearn more the more I think about the people and things which are far away physically. I need to accept the fact that I am here and need to live the life here, not in past or in future. I need to engage myself in better things than just thinking about what all I am missing in India.
Will I be able to say in 10 years like the other ladies that life is good here?!
Time will tell...
Nowadays I feel very lonely here and off late the feeling has been profound. It keeps on returning every single day, tears my heart out and makes way through the eyes in form of tears. It is quite surprising to me because I had thought with the weather getting better, my mood, my mental state will also be better but the contrary is happening. I am thinking of my home in Bangalore all the time, about my friends with whom I spent every single evening there and my family who is in Mumbai. The life is perfect here in Germany. No stress, no tension, no fear of going out alone at night, basic needs are taken care and are in abundance. Air is clean and non-polluted. Places are well connected with less hassles. Roads are well built and well lit. The life is here is quite peaceful, then why is my mind wandering back to the chaotic and polluted and crowded places in India?
What is happening to me? What is wrong with me? Why am I not happy after coming to the most progressive and free and rich country in the world? I see around and everybody is happy and then I think there's some problem in my head. I have all the time in the day, to do what I want, but still I am counting every single day to go back to India.I am preparing for a theory test to learn driving. I want to learn cycling which I will start soon. I write on and off. I read a lot on inner peace, meditation, lifestyle, fiction. I know the language which is spoken here. Language is not a barrier, but there are no people around to whom I can meet and connect on daily basis. It is too much to ask for in a European country, I know. Here everybody is busy in their own lives and a whole year is planned well in advance. I visit a few friends which I have made here in 4 months, sometimes with my kid, sometimes alone but still there is something inside that is lacking. Something is missing which makes me feel hollow from inside. I badly miss all the festivals which are celebrated in India. It was Holi last month, last week there was Marathi new year Gudi Padwa and throughout the year there are some or the other things which will be celebrated with much gusto and I won't be a part of it.
I often ask people I meet how do they feel here after spending 10-14 years and everybody is quite happy here, given the favorable conditions for their kids education and their own personal and professional growth. There are many women who told me that they continued staying here only because their husbands like it here and their kids are getting educated in a better manner with almost no competition and there is no dirty politics. Given a chance, after their kids are settled, they might even go back to India is what they told me. But I seriously doubt that will happen. They have their own groups here now. They work, they are independent, they are self-sufficient and have adjusted to the life here very well. I really admire their mental strength to settle here, away from their parents and friend circle, come here and make another life and friend circle here and consider this country as their own and live here till the end.
I need to change my attitude, I think. Being sensitive about people and things which are not a part of my life here is not going to take me anywhere. I will yearn more the more I think about the people and things which are far away physically. I need to accept the fact that I am here and need to live the life here, not in past or in future. I need to engage myself in better things than just thinking about what all I am missing in India.
Will I be able to say in 10 years like the other ladies that life is good here?!
Time will tell...
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