Some unsolved mysteries

No, I am not writing any detective story or any thriller here.

I will try to address the mystery which intrigues me a lot after becoming a mother.

When I got to know that I am expecting, I went for an ultrasound and saw a little dot throbbing with full force. The foetus was just 8 weeks old and fast forward to June 2012, my baby was born and he was 8 weeks old too. The journey from the time the foetus began to breathe till my baby arrived in this world was just amazing. Science today tells us what all happens inside the womb and how a baby is formed. But there are still many things which science can't explain even today.

Do small babies have thoughts? What exactly happens when they start taking cognizance of the world in which they are born? What exactly runs through their minds when they see the people they are familiar with? When in womb, babies are known to be smiling. Why? What exactly is the process happening at that time? Even after the baby is born, they just smile and cry out of the blue. Why? Yes, most of the times, they are hungry or sleepy. But my boy gets up from the sleep crying very bitterly and he is inconsolable many a times. Only after cajoling, talking to him, singing to him, he calms down. God alone knows what he sees in his sleep. He also laughs while asleep. And then the next moment, he curls his lips, frowns and gives a big cry. I wish I could understand the meaning behind his sudden sprout of crying. My mother-in-law says that they see some people/things from their previous births and that often frightens and saddens them. I do not know if I should believe this, but there is no evident reason, but it also can't be ever found out even by extensive research. A human baby can never be formed outside human body, even though science progresses to still greater extent.

Why is one baby more active than the other? What decides when will the baby turn on his stomach or when he will move forward? How does the baby suddenly start to utter sounds? Is it already wired in the brain? Or again God whispers in their ears and asks them to achieve the milestones? Hard to contest this argument, but it can definitely not be proved by anyone that god does this or has no role in all this. There are certain truths which everybody can see, but can't be proved by anyone in this world.

I am highly inquisitive about this behaviour in babies, rather from the conception till death; it is a series of events which often leaves us in awe of the computer who has carved every person differently. The first few years are very formative and they lay the foundation for the next years in life. But then how does a baby move ahead with a certain temperament from the birth itself? Whatever we become in life is partially based on inherited genes and partially on the experiences we gain. But then why are genes stronger in some people and why is some other person's character purely made out of experience though he has good/bad genes? It is again inexplicable. The mathematics here is always not two plus two amounting to four.

Perhaps there is no answer to my questions right now, but in future, we might be able to find proper explanation for these things. Perhaps not and that will be something which will be still in the hands of that Almighty so that we believe in some power and admit that there is someone superior to us.  

The glorious moment

As I mentioned in my earlier posts, we have no track of time and days and months whatsoever.

Our day starts with Tanay and ends with Tanay. There is hardly anything else in our agenda and why should it be? With a 3 months old baby in the house, nothing else should really matter.

Last week, we had guests from Mumbai. My mom-in-law's mother, aged 82, her sister and brother-in-law visited us in Bangalore to meet Tanay. As the original plan of we going to Mumbai and Pune got scrapped, they decided to come over to see my baby. And that week was like a bonus to Tanay. Anyways, we were 5 people in the house already and these 3 made it even merrier for him. He enjoyed a lot, laughed a lot with them and gave them a nice time.

My grandmother, my dad's mother, aged 86 is with me since a month and a half now and with the arrival of another great grandmother of Tanay, we decided to hold a small ceremony for both of them and Tanay. In Maharashtrians, it is a custom that when a great grandchild is born, his/her great grandmother/-father shower flowers made of gold on him as it is believed that it is a golden moment for both of them. It is a rare phenomenon in earlier days, but nowadays, I have seen many families who have 4 generations intact.

So on a week day, we dressed up Tanay with new clothes and also asked his great grandmothers to put on their best saris. Then he was given in their laps and along with few grains, small golden flowers were showered on Tanay by them. I managed to click that moment and it will be forever etched in my memory. Tanay is really lucky that his old great grandmothers could see him and bless him with their love and affection. That photo is going to be a souvenir and I hope one day Tanay will be able to show his grandchildren, the portrait with his great grandmothers!

Amen!  

The changing dadda (daddy)

My best friend gave birth to a baby girl on Saturday and her husband, who is also a good friend of mine gave this good news to me through e-mail. His last sentences in the mail were, "Both the mother and the baby girl are doing great and I am over the moon". I was so happy to see this. From the time, my friend has conceived, more than her, he wanted a baby girl and he addressed the baby in the womb as "she" baby every time he spoke to her. Welcoming a baby in the world is getting more and more eventful for the new daddies, I must say.

My husband is not talkative types, definitely not like me. He speaks limited number of words to limited people only. But when I saw him talking to our newborn, Tanay, I was so thrilled. He was narrating him the events of the day and also what all things would they both be doing once we join him in Germany. He tried lifting him on the day he arrived with little help from my mother-in-law. If Tanay cried, he rushed by his side immediately talking to him in baby language, asking him what he wants and why is he crying. That initial bond between a father and a son was something new for me. I grew up as an only child and had no aunts, uncles with whose children I could play during childhood. In my family, I was the last baby, that was 33 years ago and then Tanay arrived this year. So, this experience of handling the baby was very new to me and my parents and we were doubtful of every small thing which we did for the baby. But over the time, things fell in place and now I can handle the baby alone. But my dad supersedes me in this. He can single-handedly take care of Tanay if I have to go out in emergency. My dad was not so close to me when I was a kid. He had his own problems to face and I feared him like crazy. But during the past 10 years, we have bonded very well and he seems to be there for every small or big thing in my life, which is now the usual trend with modern daddies.

Daddies of my generation are more friendly with their kids. They command respect, no doubt, but the fear factor seems to have lessened a lot over the time. Dads spend more time with their kids, take them to movies, read them books, talk to them about life and general things happening in their kid's school or college. I even saw a couple of daddies take their kids to the doctor which I found very sweet and adorable. All this while, it was the domain of mommies to nurse the kids in sickness, but now even daddies seem to take active part in all the activities of their kids. Many dads cook well in the kitchen and the kids enjoy hanging around with them. It is daddies again who introduce their kids to all the modern gadgets they use in their office. The other day, when I took Tanay to the doctor, I saw a small girl and her dad waiting for their turn. The daddy had a book in this hand and his little girl was exploring the new Samsung Galaxy S III phone with instructions from him. Daddies use laptop, i-pad, i-phone and what not in their jobs and so the kids are exposed to technology at a very young age and hence they become techno-savvy and pick up things very well. My best friend's 4 yrs old son wants his full time and attention on the w/e as he does not get time to spend with the kid due to work on week days. They both go to the park or to the station to see trains, talk about his playschool and friends. Mom is nowhere in the picture then. Another friend's daughter literally neglects her mom when her dad steps in the house after work.

The relation of fathers/daddies with their children has evolved with time. I have seen my dad and grandfather's interaction which is way different from how I and my dad interact. I scold him when he neglects his health and he makes me understand certain things like a mom would. And now Tanay and his dad would be on a different plateau altogether because both are a product of Gen-X. It is going to be interesting to watch Tanay and his father grow over the years. And I am so looking forward to a healthier and friendlier ties between the duo.

My first lessons

My little boy just turned 2 months old.

And it has been such a wonderful experience being with him all the time. Every day there are new things to be discovered about him and that makes him so adorable. Being such a tiny tot, he commands the time of all the adults in the house. I would rather say the whole house revolves around him and is busy to make him smile and comfortable and happy.

And I must mention here that my boy is a very happy soul, very cool and composed. He shares this trait with his dad, perhaps! He is having severe cough and cold from past 4 days, but not a single day is he irritated or sissy. The only time he becomes a little low was while drinking milk as he is coughing incessantly with every single sip of milk. But that lasts only for that moment. The next moment he is smiling to us and cooing. I find it really incredible. Such a maturity at this small age? I am not able to see him struggling during feeds, but he appears quite normal once the coughing stops. He did all his routine stuff like smiling to the fan, watching his great grandmother talk to him, cycling fast with his legs and playing boxing with his two tiny hands.

Tanay's approach to his problem left me thinking. How do big people react to small problems in their life, fuss about it and think that why are they targeted to face problems in their lives and how this 2 month old baby is reacting to a big problem in his life. (Big in the sense, I am talking with respect to his age. He had to be put on nebulizer as the cough was not reducing, which is quite normal nowadays.). Throughout the day, he is his cheerful self and brings joy to us with each passing moment. He now recognizes people well. Right now it is his mom, that is me, his aaba, that is my father and his paNji that is my grandmother. He also responds well to my maid and cook and listens them talk to him with keen interest. There is one more lesson to be learnt here. That is unconditional acceptance of people. No matter who you are, he smiles to you. His toothless smile bowls you over. He doesn't discriminate between his mom and the maid. We both talk to him and he responds equally to both of us which is so very cute. There is no difference between people in his life right now. Everybody is welcome in his world as long as you are talking to him and sharing the happenings with him. I am sure with this habit of listening people talk, he is going to pick up language fast and is going to be talkative, just like me!

How a small baby changes your world in a very positive way! One gets tons of patience in bringing the baby up and also gets educated in the bargain! I am looking forward to a few more lessons in the coming months!

Tanayisms

I named my son as Tanay. Tanay means "the one who belongs to the family", it also means a good son! I had this name in mind since the time I got to know that I am going to become a mother. This name caught my attention, how and why, can't remember exactly now. But I had decided if it is a boy, I will name him Tanay and if it is a girl, I name her Ananya. Both names are unique and meaningful.

Now that Tanay has entered our lives with a bang, he has captured all our attention and time. My parents won't keep him out of sight for a minute and will always take him in their arms and talk to him. They won't let him cry for a minute. I am little strict when it comes to his crying. I know it is natural for him to cry and it is his way of shedding some energy and then getting a good feed. I do not panic a lot when he cries. It is either because he is hungry or sleepy or has passed urine. Over a month and a half I can now make out the reason of his crying.

Now that we all have adjusted to each other well, when I talk to him, he makes his eyes big and listens to what I say. As if he understands everything. I am sure he does, but can't express himself right now. He loves listening us talk. Then anything and everything under the sun is ok for him to listen to. I give him all the updates in the day and he listens it with great interest with an intriguing look in his eyes. I have to sing him his favorite song when he gets cranky in the evening. That song was sung for Tanay's dad by his grandmother and then Tanay's grandmother means my mother-in-law sang it for Tanay. I also learnt it from her and now I sing it for him regularly. It is a song of his praises, how good he is and how obedient he is. I add all the things, which are unique to Tanay and make it long and interesting. If he is crying or irritated, he stops that very moment when I begin to sing his “praises”. He likes listening to music a lot. He especially likes the album of children songs “Chocolate cha bangla” and instrumental music. When I was pregnant, I listened to lot of music and that might be the reason that he is also interested in music.

He hates it when it is time for his massage and bath. Rehana, the maalishwaali, comes in the morning and the moment he is in her hands, he brings the whole house down with his incessant cries. His skin is very soft and sensitive. He becomes red all over when he sobs constantly. Other people in the building might have an impression that something is seriously wrong with the baby and the baby is ill or something. But by now, we know it is because he hates exercising and water. The moment he is out of the bathroom in my mom’s arms for getting ready, he is quiet, as if the baby who was crying all this while was not him at all. It is past one month now, but still he doesn't seem to enjoy a bit of the morning ritual. Rehana feels bad because he cries and doesn’t enjoy her otherwise relaxing massage and bath. Most babies outgrow it within a month she said, but my boy seems to be an exception.

His pattern of sleep is set to a great extent. He sleeps by 8:30-9 pm and then gets up twice at night, when he is hungry. He doesn't usually cry, but tries to wait and see if me or my mom get up and feed him without crying. I usually check on him after 2-3 hours and sense his discomfort immediately. I am a light sleeper. I can't sleep with lights and noise around and now with my Tanay around, I hardly have a deep sleep at night. Most peculiar thing of my boy is the different sounds he makes when he is asleep. My mom tells me most of the babies do, but when I inquired with my neighbors who have a baby boy and baby girl respectively, they negated saying their babies sleep peacefully without making any sounds. If he is asleep and there is a slight sound around him, he makes a peculiar sound, “eh eh”, as if he wants to tell others, hello, I am aware of what is happening around him.  But on the other hand he seems unperturbed by the sounds of aeroplane and thunder. In his dreams, he sees someone or something and cries "eeee" loudly, sometimes he leaves a deep breath as if he is talking to someone and that someone is useless and is not able to understand what Tanay is trying to say. Sometimes he laughs so loudly that it is heartening to see his toothless and innocent smile. Rapid Eye Movements is a common thing in babies and it helps their brain development it seems. I feel amused when I see Tanay with his eyes half closed and his mouth muttering something. I am really eager to know what exactly happens inside their brains and how it develops. Science has given us insights into so many things, but still what exactly happens during the developing stages in the babies brains is still a mystery.

His hands and legs move constantly when he is awake. He puts his own fingers in his eyes and then when it hurts, he cries in pain. This is something we can't help; it is a part of his growing up and realizing his body organs. He gets tired in the evening and then I massage his legs, change his clothes, put powder on his body and oil on his head. He smells so good!!! In the evening, it is a ritual in my house to listen to the “Vishnusahasranaama” and then chant the “Ramraksha” and “Maruti stotra”. I have been doing this since I conceived and Tanay might be well aware of it. Evening times, he gets little cranky, which most of the babies do. Now that he is one and a half months old, I plan to take him out for a little walk in the evening, before sunset. Let’s see when that is feasible for me.

I am sure, everybody who reads this and who has a baby at home and has brought him/her up will find lot of things familiar with what Tanay is doing right now. Isn’t it fun to watch our own baby grow with leaps and bounds? I saw him as a tiny dot in the 6th week of pregnancy and now he is in my hands, in flesh and blood and already 6 weeks old.  His grandparents dote on him a lot and he is lucky to have 3 great grandmothers! His father is away and missing all the initial fun, but then his dad will soon be with us.

Bringing Tanay up will be more fun with his dad being by my side!

Amen!

Hours in darkness

It has been close to 10 months now that we shifted to our own house.

My apartment has all the modern amenities like generator backup, swimming pool, club house, gymnasium and yes most important is that we have water for 24 hrs. It is like most of the modern home projects nowadays.

But suddenly on last Saturday, there was a deluge of rain in Bangalore and the electric supply went off. We were not bothered much as the generator starts in a minute or two and then the lights are on again. Only thing is that equipments like fridge, washing machine, microwave, geyser do not work. But that it is fine as long as there is light in the evening time.

To our dismay, we realized that the generator for our B block did not start as expected and that it has gone kaputt. Trials of starting it went in vain and for almost 3 hrs, we were in darkness with no light and no water. Yes, no water either cos the boring water was not pumped in the water storage tanks as there was no electricity.

With my 1 month old baby and my parents, I sat in the darkness and wondered how times have changed. I was fuming because the generator was not working and there was darkness everywhere and it was just going to be for some hours. How did my grandmother and her mother work in darkness without any complaints? How did people survive and enjoy life with no modern gadgets? There were no fans in my great grandmother's village till I was in 6th standard, but still life went on, quite smoothly.

Has the tolerance level of my generation has dipped big time? We have become so much dependent on the gadgets and technology that a minute away from them seems like eternity. Instead of enjoying the cool winds and rains that day, I was worried when will the electric supply be restored? I was more worried about my baby boy Tanay. I didn't want him to be in discomfort because of mosquitoes and other stuff.

Finally the electric supply was restored after 3 hours and yes, we are still waiting for the generator of our block to be repaired. As soon as it is 4 pm here, the atmosphere starts building up for the rains. So we keep candles handy and also store water in the bathroom like good old times.

My bundle of joy

The months of March and April have been truly a roller coaster ride.

I couldn't write much in these 2 months.

Reason..

I was eagerly waiting for my bundle of joy.. Contemplating, whether it is going to be a girl or a boy and how will the baby look and things like that.

My baby arrived in my hands on 7th April, 3-4 days before the due date. Due to some complications, I had to be operated and the chances of normal delivery dwindled all together. Nevertheless, the baby was safe and sound and was doing well. Doctors found him cool, just like his dad, I said!

On his arrival at home, after 4 days, whole house was revolving around him. It took me time to realize that finally the wait is over and that I have finally become a mother. As I was operated, I couldn't take care of my baby in a full fledged manner. I had lot of restrictions on diet and my movements were also restricted a lot. My mom in law took the entire responsibility on her shoulders and showed me how to take care of small small things of this little one. My parents were always by my side in all this initial stage of the baby's arrival. We all got used to him and most important was he settled quickly with us as if he was meant to be here with us, all the time!

I am still learning, evolving as a new mother. He is my teacher, he smiles and laughs just like that, cries like this world is going to sink now. He hates massage and bath, loves to listen us talk and sing to him.

I will write more about him in the coming posts. He has just turned 1 month old and I am sure there are lot of things to come in future.