Girls Day Out

My mom is visiting us for a short while here and it has been a busy time ever since she has arrived. My office routine, Tanay's creche and Atul's office leaves us no time to bond separately. We do talk a lot and discuss things and issues amongst us. She guides me, scolds me, and advises me just like she used to do when I was in college. As they say, a child grows up, but a mother never does. I listen to everything she says, like an obedient daughter. Tanay also enjoys the attention of his "jeeaa", it is the opposite order of the word "aajee", which means grandmother. They both enjoy a lot with my mom trying to make sense of his one syllable words and he trying to understand her by closing watching her actions and words.

I decided to take a day off and spend it with my mom and take her around the city. Tanay went to his creche and Atul to his office. Then the mother-daughter duo proceeded to the main station and spent some time on the main shopping street there. There were lot of people around though it was a week day. Children had holidays and they were seeing strolling with their parents and grandparents. There was music playing in one corner, one person was busy painting a huge portrait. One lady was sitting with her child and was asking for money. One big fat bearded man, shabbily dressed, was sitting with his dog and talking to him. One couple was kissing each other passionately, oblivious to the crowd around. There were many joints where people were sitting and having coffee, pizza, cakes and pastries. Cool breeze was blowing, it was pleasant and the sun was hardly seen in the skies. We walked down a lot, observing, talking, window shopping. Then after some time, I asked my mom, if she was hungry and if she would like to try out the pizza option here, which is available in slices also. We can choose one slice from a variety of pizza and pay only for that. We gave it a try and she liked it and proclaimed that it is better than the versions she had in India. I saw at her very lovingly. The roles were reversed today. She used to take me out for shopping and hotelling and now I am the one who is leading her. She saw all the shops with child-like enthusiasm and it really amused me to see her so happy! She always wished to come to Europe for a longer time and not with any tours, which just make you run around 10 countries in 7 days. And her wish had come true, after many years! She is a strong willed and positive person and I really wish I am at least 10% of what she is!

Our day progressed with shopping for my little one. We bought him a few clothes and toys and were happy that we got something for him. (Though nowadays, all our focus during outings, excursions, shopping, hotelling is only on Tanay, we were glad to have shopped for him, yet again!!!). My mom and me were like two long lost friends, chatting, giggling, shopping together and it seemed like a long time that we had been like this. She retired from her office recently and I moved here. So, we hardly got time to spend together, just the two of us. But then we created the opportunity and had some moments which we will always cherish.

The ticking clock brought us back and we proceeded to pick up my little fella from his creche.

A day well spent!!

The Regulars

Life has more or less set into a routine now.

Waking up, getting ready for office, taking the train from the station, going to office, working, lunching and coming back by the train again. I have been taking the same train for 2 weeks now and realized that like me there are a few more people around on the station, then in the compartment, who travel with me in the same time frame. We all are bound with each other within those 16 minutes of journey, though we physically do not even acknowledge each other.

There is one fellow, who looks like an Indian amongst the co-passengers. He has a bag in his hand and is in casuals’ everyday. Looks like he works on some construction site as a worker, he looks tired and muddy. He looks at me and then looks away. Maybe he wants to strike a conversation and ask me if I am also from his mother-land! But he carries on with a grim face and sits in a corner. I get down at my station and he goes ahead.

There is another middle-aged person, who looks like an office-goer. He returns home with this train. He wears spectacles and is mostly looking around or reading something. He gets down on the same station as mine and we walk down the road one after the other, till he disappears in the lane, adjacent to mine.

Then there are these two young boys who wear identical black T-Shirts on which Volkswagen is written. Maybe they work for the plant nearby and return home. They are their usual self, loud and crackling and they talk a lot within the time they are together. One of them gets down on my station and the other carries on ahead. 

A tall lanky, bespectacled fellow with a hat looks bemusedly at the fellow passengers. He never sits down, though the train is relatively empty. He turns his back towards the door and looks all around the compartment. There is another couple, who regularly boards the train and embarrass the people around by making public display of affection. It is common in Germany, no one is really bothered. But I sense the irritation of the people, when they look away from them or move away to another place.

Yesterday while coming back, a thought just came to my mind. What if I got the powers to read the minds of other people? I would come to know what is the Indian wary of and I would also come to know what this couple is upto. Are they really in "love"?? I smile to myself and am happy that I am not gifted with that power. Ignorance is bliss, they say. Then I think, would I ever become friends with the people whom I see regularly? Will I be able to ask them how their day was or what interests them after work? No, I don't think so. Everybody is either glued to their smart phone or is listening to music or is reading a book. No one has time to waste on others and no is interested to get friendly. The readiness, with which I would have made friends in India, is totally lacking here! I smile to people and they smile to me, but I do not dare to approach them to strike a conversation. I often think, what they will feel if I talk to them. Wouldn't I be encroaching their so-called "privacy". They do not acknowledge each other's presence on the station though being a regular; I am after all an outsider here!

But that’s their culture and being from a country like India, where everybody else minds each other’s business, this is a new experience for me!

:-)

The German Summer

All my earlier trips to Germany were either during autumn or during winter.

Autumn is a very beautiful season here, colourful leaves all strewn across the paths and it is not very hot and not very cold. It is pleasant and windy and cool.

Winters here are harsh. I have experienced minus 25 degrees and heavy snowfall when the life is thrown out of gear. It is good to watch the snow sitting inside the house, which is not possible now as I will have to go out for work. This year, it will also be Tanay who would be wading his way through the snow to his crèche and back. This year he would enjoy the snow because he will understand it this time. Let's see how the winter treats us later this year.

Summer - was the season, which I was eagerly waiting for. I wanted to see the beautiful colourful landscapes around. I wanted to see and hear the people enjoy out in the sun. I wanted to see the sun setting late at about 9:30 pm, which was so unique and different for an Asian like me! So finally after a spell of long winter, the sun finally came out and with what bang!!

There were days when the temperature here touched 38 degrees, very unusual for European standards. As there is less pollution here, the sunrays pierce you even when it is 30 degrees and with 38 degrees you are very likely to have a sun stroke and faint. All the handkerchiefs I bought from India and which were unused all this while came to my rescue and helped me with the incessant sweating and the wardrobe underwent a change with only cotton and light clothes finding their way to me. I spent 10 Euros in buying a cap as I thought that would at least help me save my head from getting cooked!! Tanay also graduated to half pants and sleeveless shirts and after a lot of persuasion agreed to wear cap when we went outdoor. Atul enjoyed his cycle rides more than ever and discovered a lot of new routes for cycling. 

I will also enlighten you with the baking sessions that we had in our house which is on the roof top. (Dachgeschoss). All the walls would become extremely crispy and hot as the sun gave them his heat with open heart. We neither have a fan nor an Air Conditioner. No, we are not the only ones who are under-privileged in this case, but no house in Germany has a fan or an AC. All it has is a heater, which is useful only when it is cold. So we were all huffing and puffing, sitting at home during late evenings, trying to find some piece of paper which would cater as a temporary fan. We kept all the windows open in the hope that it would get better with the breeze coming in, but no all we were left with was sweat and irritation and hot air around. As sitting in house did not help much, venturing out in such a blazing sun was also little risky with Tanay around. So, we had no choice, but to bear with the really hot, glaring, blazing, trailing summer. 

After a brief spell of this not-so-pleasant summer experience, I welcomed rains with open arms and open heart and changed my opinion about the German summer. It may be a welcome change for the Germans here to wear black in the sun and enjoy, but for me I am more than happy with a mild sun and pleasant weather.

The recent change in the atmosphere and the weather conditions all over the world is indeed alarming! Europeans wouldn't have imagined that not placing fans in the house would be looked upon as an disadvantage 20-30 years later.

I would like to put my thoughts about the global warming, but in another post maybe.

Till then, enjoy the sun!!

Bad Urach

Contemplating on where to head for the week-end, I was in a fix and was not willing to travel by train for 2-3 hours with Tanay and my mom. My dear friend and colleague, Suniti, also badly wanted to go out badly and not stay at home during the weekend. She wanted to visit some water spot and I did not wanted the travel time to stretch beyond an hour.

Bad Urach - The name seemed little strange, but we decided to go for it. "Bad" in the German language is Spa/health resort/public baths. So it was obvious that this place had lots of spas and water bodies. And yes! When we landed there, we got to know that there is a waterfall nearby and we all got excited to see it. Tanay had his food just when we landed and then he slept off in the pram. Suniti, myself and mom started heading towards the waterfall which was 2 kms away from the railway station.

The path was very beautiful!!On one side, there were mountains, wearing green tufts and caps and on the other side, there was water flowing with a beautiful rthym, making hustling and bustling sound. The water was clean and clear and cold and we drank a lot of it. It helped us to compensate for the energy we lost while walking in the sun. We reached the spot from where there were 150 steps, which we had to climb and then could see the source of the waterfall. As there were steps and pram couldn't be carried up, mom stayed down and Suniti and I headed upwards. I was surprised by my energy in climbing the steps. I did not get worn out or did not fret in this beautiful surrounding. There was so much of greenery and coolness around that it naturally got onto me. I felt extremely relaxed and in the frenzy, climbed up within no time. The sight there was overwhelming! The water drops were touching our bodies and the souls. The purity and the calmness touched me and tears welled up in my eyes. I managed to climb those 150 steps without huffing and straining myself. I am slowly building up the stamina and the energy to cover good distances by walking and I will get there one day. There will be a day when I will have walked 10 kms and wouldn't have got tired. I am aiming for it and I will surely achieve it. Suniti and I clicked some pictures of the nature there, though whatever we observed and absorped with our eyes and soul can't be captured in any machine. But as a momento, it was good for me to look at it and plan for the next trip somewhere!

We came down and sat with Tanay and then my mom went up. Being a trekker, she climbed within no time and came down quickly too. We sat at that spot for some more time, observing the peace around and the people who were coming to that spot. There were families, couples, friends who were eager to get close to the natural beauty and the tranquility it contained. Though that spot was hosting so many people, it didn't get dirty or noisy once. We all were satisfied on our decision to have selected this spot and to have actually come here, though with a little hesitation. But it was worth it! On our way back, we had a nice coffee and cake and pampered ourselves by picking up strawberries from the fieds nearby.

It was a fulfilling and satisfying Saturday trip!!

The "integration"

You can't drive

You can't ride a bicycle

You do not drink beer

You drink tea with milk and sugar and not black

You do not eat non-vegetarian food

You do not use paper in the toilet

You do not open a communication with the Germans here

You cannot be integrated in the German culture

I am fed of listening to these diktats of becoming one like "them" in a western country, where I have come on an official assignment and on temporary basis. I think to myself, why should I become one like "them"? What's wrong with me being what I am? Why should I change my food habits and behavioral patterns? Am I causing harm to anyone by being my natural self? Am I hurting someone by not eating the non-vegetarian food, available in plenty here? I do not think so. 

We met for our regular coffee meet on Sunday and this was a very serious topic that we discussed. Two of my friends are here for around 10 years and they still feel lonely here. They are here with their families, they are working women, they enjoy the freedom and facilities here, but at the same time feel as outsiders. One genuine question which my friend Sunita pose the other day was: "If my daughter goes to Britian for a competition from her school here, will she be considered as a German?". Her daughter speaks excellent German, is very bright in her school, also knows English and Marathi (which is her mother-tongue) and is excellent in Maths and other subjects at school. We all thought about it and the answer which came to us was a big NO. She wouldn't be treated or considered as a German. Why? Due to her skin color? Due to her looks? Or because she wouldn't have a German surname? We actually had no answer to it. Even after staying there all her life and giving her best to the country, she would be still considered as an Asian, an Indian. Maybe her kids would find some acceptance as a third generation in this country. 

I studied German for about 8 years. I know German culture out and out and still I am not able to adjust myself here mentally. I feel extremely lonely and left-out here though my family is here and I have a few friends whom I meet on a regular basis. But still I do not feel connected here with anything or anybody. I yearn to go back to India, to Bangalore, knowing fully well the conditions and circumstances over there are pathetic compared to all the western countries. Maybe it is little too early to judge this country and the people and I should also take my time to see and experience things by being myself. Integration is not giving up our identity and becoming a different person altogether, but it is taking the best things from both the cultures by influencing each other in a positive manner and getting enriched in that process, and it should not be making a person sad and lonely and making him feel as an outsider. 

The 'my' time

After coming to Germany, in 3 months, we did about 2-3 trips in and around Germany. 

Tanay and my mother-in-law and my husband carried it off well. They had the zeal and enthusiasm and the energy to explore new places and try out new things. But I played a spoilsport there. I lack the energy to walk miles and miles without having food. I am a lazy person when it comes to doing some physical activity. It is also the problem of hypo-thyroidism, due to which I hardly have any stamina. I get tired easily when I walk for half an hour at a stretch. Thanks to the post-pregnancy lethargy and my activity-less life-style, I have completely thrown my life to the dogs. But I got up a wake up call when my hubby declared that he will not go for any trip with me henceforth as he doesn't enjoy my sulking and tired demeanour and I can't enjoy his active planning. I felt very bad, but I had to get over it. But he had a point. Why would he spoil his week ends with a dull and tired and unenthusiastic me? He rather do what he enjoys, e.g. cycling and I better take charge of my life and get back on track.

An opportunity came knocking when I got a mail about Zumba dance classes in my mailbox at office. I read about it on google and was quite excited about it. I decided to join it and immediately signed myself up. The classes would be conducted in office, once a week for one hour to begin with. If I like it, I plan to join some classes nearby my home. To increase my stamina, I have decided to go walking on weekends for at least an hour with Tanay and his pram, so that I also learn to manage him on my own when we both go out. Walking on week days in summer also should not be a great hassle, but then it depends on when I come back from work and how Tanay is placed with his meal timings etc. My mom has suggested me some supplements and nutrients along with the diet, so that I get full nutrition and can lead a healthy and enriched life. I will also start taking them soon. I do not eat non-vegetarian food though being in Germany. Germany has a huge platter of non-vegetarian stuff ranging from all animals to sea food. My hubby spares no chance in telling me that all my ill-health is due to the lack of it. I just nod and smile and eat what I like. I think, at least, the choice of what I should eat should be left to me; we stay in a democratic and free country, don't we? I had my own moral reasons to give up eating non-vegetarian food and I shall stand by it, even if I land up in Tundra region and have nothing to eat.

I have also decided to sign up for cycling classes, if they are available around. Staying in Mumbai, I hadn't had any chance of riding a bicycle and now I repent it a lot. I see so many people merrily riding here and there and there is so much to explore in Germany on a bicycle. There is no age for learning and hence even if half of you people reading this laugh at me, it is ok. I am going to start learning it now, nevertheless! I have joined a library and need to seriously take up the reading activity, though 15 minutes daily, but I need to be regular so that it slowly becomes a habit.

Here, I am in a country, which offers 100 opportunities to groom your own self, to spend time with your own self, to explore and learn new things and achieve something for one’s happiness and in turn feel enriched and fulfilling. Coming here and not learning the importance of 'my' time is an insult to the culture here. So that's the plan people.

Wish me luck!! 

The coffee meet

I smiled to myself as Sunday approached and was charged up especially after lunch.

It was the fourth Saturday of May and I was going to meet up with a few friends for coffee at 3 pm as we usually do every month. Let me give you a little background here. As I have already mentioned, I am in Germany from last 2 months and would be here for a couple of months on official assignment. Being a very social and amicable person, I immediately started searching something like a social group where I could integrate myself and not feel lonely in this distant country. I happened to find many different communities on Facebook, whose members were very much in and around the place where I am currently put up. And from those different communities, we had managed to assemble members into group, where we all speak a common language, Marathi. It is a group exclusively for women and women of all ages are invited here. Many are working mothers; a few are home makers here. They have given up their jobs and careers to take care of their kids and their husbands. The calender in Facebook is set to the last or second last Sunday of every month for the event.

This would be my second time for the meet. Last month, I met many new and wonderful ladies and had a nice time listening to them and talking to them. They all were so beaming with energy and enthusiasm, it was very easy to get charged up by just seeing them all laughing and chatting. This Sunday was a different scene, we were only 5 people who could manage on that cold and rainy afternoon and that was also an experience in itself. We met up at a common place and then went to a nice and cosy coffee shop called La Venice nearby. It was crowded and teeming with people, felt really good to hear some noise and giggles in the background. Young and old had gathered there with family and friends and we could find a small corner at the back for ourselves and we set off like we were waiting to get an opportunity to start talking.

Our talks ranged from parenting to usual saas-bahu banter. We spoke about books and movies and talked about the film personalities and their lives and our likes and dislikes for them. We sipped hot, brewing coffee in between and we hardly knew what time it was and whether it had stopped raining outside. I realized one thing, how comforting it was to share a table and sit across someone who shares your thoughts, concerns and beliefs. We all were relaxed today and not in a hurry to get back to our "other" life as mother, wife and a home maker. We all were our individual selves, expressing ourselves without thinking, what the other person will think about us or how he/she will judge us. We all were talking with each other, as though we knew each other from a long time. We shared our worries, our concerns, our problems with each other and also seeked for solutions and advice. We also expressed the need to venture out from the usual chatting and gossiping and doing something fruitful and informative. Our 'leader', J, immediately offered to have a brain-storming session on ideas and we decided to tell it to our other friends who couldn't make it for the coffee event this time. The Gudhi padwa event was already a hit and we were thinking on the lines of having a grill party and so the planning had to begin now for the next get-together with husbands and kids.

On the way back, I was smiling to myself.

Friends make lives so easy and comforting!! Family is and will always remain the first priority for most of us here, but friends unleash the hidden talents in you, encourage you to speak your mind, accept you as you are and help you become a better person. Thanks J for introducing me to this group. I am already feeling good about being in this country now.

:-)