After coming to Karlsruhe, I got time to do things that I never did in India, e.g., learn cycling and swimming. I enrolled in a swim course, and it was there where I met S for the first time. We were members of an informal WhatsApp group of Indian women in Karlsruhe, but we never had the opportunity to meet each other before. S seemed a quiet girl in the beginning, but later after spending time with each other, we became good friends.
We talked about our own lives and experiences living in a town like Karlsruhe and a country like Germany. She was earlier in the UK, and she found Germany quite different than the UK. She had a small baby boy and was on maternity leave. She would soon be joining work and was looking forward to it as well as admitting her son to the daycare where he would start a new phase in his life. After the swim course got over, we decided to keep in touch and meet up as soon as possible. We had many things to talk about, and we thought we would gel well with each other. That day never came, and we sometimes talked on WhatsApp. I met her suddenly in December last year just before leaving for India. She looked tired and exhausted, and I was actually not happy about the fact that we hadn't met yet after the course. After hearing about the nightmare she had to go through made me rile at the incident. I sympathized with S and didn't have any reason to be angry with her for not meeting up after that.
Her son was admitted to daycare when he was 17 months old before S started working so that he could get used to the new atmosphere and the new people there. Usually, the mothers have to sit with the baby for a few weeks till the baby gets acclimatized to the new daycare. I remember the days when T started going to the daycare. He cried a lot for the first three months, because the language, people, and food were very new to him. T struggled a lot, but the caretaker, Ms. Rosy, made him very comfortable and took care of him well. He grew very attached to her. And she loved him too. He changed groups after he turned 3, but they often saw each other every day in the daycare. I was very fortunate to have found an excellent daycare, though it costed a bomb!
S was not lucky in that respect. After a month or so, the caretakers in her son's daycare told her that her son wouldn't be able to continue in the daycare. He was crying incessantly, not mixing with other kids, not playing, eating, or sleeping well. And it was just a month or so that he was admitted. In a month or so, how could they expect the baby to adjust quickly? They should have tried a little more. They should have shown more patience with him. All kids are different and take different periods to adjust to things. S's son was with her for the first 17 months of his life. How could he immediately feel comfortable with complete strangers? He would have his own rhythm to get into a set pattern and that would definitely need time. The people at the daycare didn't show any sympathy to the fact that S was starting work from November and that within such short notice, she would never be able to get a place in a daycare in Karlsruhe. They stood to their point and didn't budge. S pleaded, asked for consideration and help, but nothing moved them. S had to take him out of the daycare, and her life suddenly changed. She started working from home and took care of her son. When he slept, she worked. She had to cook, clean, buy groceries, take care of the son, and work at the same time. Sometimes her husband worked from home. But it was not a sustainable solution. She couldn't call her parents or in-laws to Germany for help as they were not in a position to travel.
My heart went out to her when she narrated all this when we met that day for a short time at the Indian stores. I didn't have any solution to her problems. All I could do was just be a good listener and let her speak. I could very well understand what she was going through. I left the shop, and from that day onwards, I wanted to write about this incident. A glaring case of insensitivity and callousness towards small kids, especially if they are not of German origin. I wondered if the kid of German descent would have had the same reaction and treatment as meted out to S's son. Maybe yes, maybe no. Who knows? But this wouldn't have definitely not happened in an Asian country, especially in India. I can bet on that. The insensitivity and disregard for people's personal problems are very evident in industrialized countries. Causing inconvenience to one's schedule for people (for your own blood relatives too) is certainly not very common here. It's a very closed culture. Many parallel worlds exist in individuals here where there is no access to other people, not even to their parents and close friends. And the more open you are as a person here, the more isolated and alienated you feel here is my observation.
I wish S a lot of strength and courage, and I sincerely hope that her son soon lands in a better daycare where he will be welcome and treated well and molded into a good human being. But seriously, this incident left me shocked and I sincerely hope that someone in the future would question this behavior of that daycare and give them a sound piece of mind!
We talked about our own lives and experiences living in a town like Karlsruhe and a country like Germany. She was earlier in the UK, and she found Germany quite different than the UK. She had a small baby boy and was on maternity leave. She would soon be joining work and was looking forward to it as well as admitting her son to the daycare where he would start a new phase in his life. After the swim course got over, we decided to keep in touch and meet up as soon as possible. We had many things to talk about, and we thought we would gel well with each other. That day never came, and we sometimes talked on WhatsApp. I met her suddenly in December last year just before leaving for India. She looked tired and exhausted, and I was actually not happy about the fact that we hadn't met yet after the course. After hearing about the nightmare she had to go through made me rile at the incident. I sympathized with S and didn't have any reason to be angry with her for not meeting up after that.
Her son was admitted to daycare when he was 17 months old before S started working so that he could get used to the new atmosphere and the new people there. Usually, the mothers have to sit with the baby for a few weeks till the baby gets acclimatized to the new daycare. I remember the days when T started going to the daycare. He cried a lot for the first three months, because the language, people, and food were very new to him. T struggled a lot, but the caretaker, Ms. Rosy, made him very comfortable and took care of him well. He grew very attached to her. And she loved him too. He changed groups after he turned 3, but they often saw each other every day in the daycare. I was very fortunate to have found an excellent daycare, though it costed a bomb!
S was not lucky in that respect. After a month or so, the caretakers in her son's daycare told her that her son wouldn't be able to continue in the daycare. He was crying incessantly, not mixing with other kids, not playing, eating, or sleeping well. And it was just a month or so that he was admitted. In a month or so, how could they expect the baby to adjust quickly? They should have tried a little more. They should have shown more patience with him. All kids are different and take different periods to adjust to things. S's son was with her for the first 17 months of his life. How could he immediately feel comfortable with complete strangers? He would have his own rhythm to get into a set pattern and that would definitely need time. The people at the daycare didn't show any sympathy to the fact that S was starting work from November and that within such short notice, she would never be able to get a place in a daycare in Karlsruhe. They stood to their point and didn't budge. S pleaded, asked for consideration and help, but nothing moved them. S had to take him out of the daycare, and her life suddenly changed. She started working from home and took care of her son. When he slept, she worked. She had to cook, clean, buy groceries, take care of the son, and work at the same time. Sometimes her husband worked from home. But it was not a sustainable solution. She couldn't call her parents or in-laws to Germany for help as they were not in a position to travel.
My heart went out to her when she narrated all this when we met that day for a short time at the Indian stores. I didn't have any solution to her problems. All I could do was just be a good listener and let her speak. I could very well understand what she was going through. I left the shop, and from that day onwards, I wanted to write about this incident. A glaring case of insensitivity and callousness towards small kids, especially if they are not of German origin. I wondered if the kid of German descent would have had the same reaction and treatment as meted out to S's son. Maybe yes, maybe no. Who knows? But this wouldn't have definitely not happened in an Asian country, especially in India. I can bet on that. The insensitivity and disregard for people's personal problems are very evident in industrialized countries. Causing inconvenience to one's schedule for people (for your own blood relatives too) is certainly not very common here. It's a very closed culture. Many parallel worlds exist in individuals here where there is no access to other people, not even to their parents and close friends. And the more open you are as a person here, the more isolated and alienated you feel here is my observation.
I wish S a lot of strength and courage, and I sincerely hope that her son soon lands in a better daycare where he will be welcome and treated well and molded into a good human being. But seriously, this incident left me shocked and I sincerely hope that someone in the future would question this behavior of that daycare and give them a sound piece of mind!
Sad to see what S has to go through in a country which is regarded as one of the best places to have a family and raise children. Hope things get better for S.
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