Uncomplicated!

After the lockdown worldwide owing to the Corona pandemic, everyone is trying to cope up with the new way of life. Kids couldn't go out to play, adults couldn't go to their workplace daily, going out on vacation became a distant dream, leave alone going shopping groceries became difficult. In Germany, it was comparatively better than anywhere else in the world, and the kids here could play with each other in the open areas after the infection curve came down. My son has a lot of friends, mostly from his school, and he spent time playing with them and talking to them about the online games on Playstation 4 like Minecraft and things which I do not understand at all!

Being at home gave me a chance to observe my son very closely during these 4 months. He is growing up by leap and bounds in the way he talks, thinks, and acts. How are boys wired to think and feel? This topic always intrigues me! Relationships, friendships, my family has always been very dear to me. But I see a very different response to all these things from my son. He is just 8, but it is interesting to listen to him talk many times. My detailed questions are usually responded with one word! Then I have to dig down deep and ask another set of questions to which he may or might not choose to answer!

He had a very close friend called Nick in the new school that he joined in January this year. They almost hung out every day after school, too, after quickly finishing the homework. T went to his house to play every day at 3 pm. They played till 6 pm and then came over to our house. Till 7, they played at our house, and many times, Nick had dinner at our home, sometimes bread, sometimes some Indian stuff. They almost seemed inseparable. They went to school together and came back together. I was reminded of "Jai and Veeru" from Sholay! But during the lockdown, something changed, and they saw less and less of each other. I asked T the reason, and he just plainly replied he has other friends to play with and doesn't want to play with Nick. I think they had a fight and didn't resolve the matter then and there. The issue got carried on for many days, and till the time I called Nick's mom (who is also my friend over tea at home, they didn't see each other's faces! Tanay didn't miss him at all!? Nick didn't miss Tanay either! That's the way usually kids function, I think. When they met again after a long gap, they played and talked with each other as if nothing had happened between them. Now they play with common friends together, but not like earlier, where they both were inseparable.

I wondered, would it be so simple with girls? Their dynamics, their emotions are completely different. There is jealousy if a best friend plays with someone else or if a girl doesn't get the necessary attention from her best friend. But with boys, either it is subtle, and they don't show it, or it doesn't register in their heads at all that! They are happy with anyone who plays with them, need not be a close or best friend, I guess. Recently, T made friends with one boy who was on a visit to his grandmother for summer vacations. He stayed here earlier but later shifted to his parents. So the other boys from T's school knew him, and he also became a good friend of T. All the boys regularly went to the friend's place to swim as there was a big swimming pool inside the house. The grandmother was gracious enough to welcome a bunch of boys every single day. When it was time for that friend to leave and go back to his parents, I suggested Tanay give me a small little thing as a "Thank You" because he let him in his life and in his home. But this boy was not convinced. No one else was thanking that friend, why should I, was his question. We had a tough time making him understand, and with great difficulty, he became ready to give him a packet of chips and a bar of chocolate! They lovingly said goodbye to each other, and that's it. No more mention of him again after he left!

I sometimes feel it's good that T doesn't get emotionally involved with people and situations. He can move on in life quickly and adjust to new circumstances very easily. But on the other side, I feel that the emotional connection is very essential to be humane, to feel, to love, to hate, to express. If there are no emotions, life would be so dry for him as an adult. But as I said, boys are equipped with a different set of genes altogether, and their response to things and situations is going to be very different from how girls would respond. But one thing I realized that boys are uncomplicated. It's either this or that for them, either black or white, no third side or thought.

I can't expect the same warmth and love I have for my friends and family from him as well. He is a different person, an individual with his own mind. I need to learn to accept it and adjust to it! It's a learning process for me as well!