Aaji

I held her hand for one last time.

I stroked her head for one last time.

Her hands were cold and numb, almost lifeless and her body was just bones covered with a thin skin layer.

And she was gone. Though she was breathing mechanically with the help of devices in the hospital, her soul had left her body and the doctor declared that she is no more. 

I went blank for a minute or two. The reality that she is no more with us took some time to sink in. My dad was not around in the hospital that time and we all had an inkling that this would happen sooner or later. But no matter how old a person in the family gets, we want her/him to be with us for a long time. And after all she was my dad’s mother. My dad was her only son and she completely doted on him and later me, when I was born into the family.

I got the news that she is admitted to the hospital on a Sunday evening in September. I wanted to quickly take a flight in time and be with her at the next moment. But I was 1000 kms. away from her and it was not easy to reach her immediately. My husband booked the ticket for Tuesday and my mother in law told me to go and meet her as soon as possible. She was there to take care of my son; T and I just boarded the flight on Tuesday constantly asking her to wait till I was there. She was perfectly fine during the Ganpati festival and had slowly started sinking on Saturday that week. My dad and my cousin’s husband admitted her to the hospital and the hospital told them that she is critical, and nothing can be said about an improvement at the age of 92.

I reached home on Tuesday at about 5 pm and immediately went to see her. I had least expected to see her all chained up in different tubes and channels running through her hands and nose. Her hair was disheveled, and she never liked going around in messy hair. She always put oil and combed them properly. She was weak, she was not opening her eyes. I called out to her. I gave her some liquid food to eat. She didn’t open her eyes. But she had the food that I gave her. I held her hand and told her, aaji you must go now. You shouldn’t bear the physical pain anymore. You have done enough all your life and now you must go to undertake the next journey. I have come, your beloved Deepa has come to see you. You must go at the right time. Her eyes watered. She didn’t see me with her eyes, but she sensed me from my touch. I could feel that she understood me and that she was ready to leave now. She always told me whenever I visited her in Mumbai that this is the last time maybe I won’t see you again. I laughed it off most of the times and told her that you have to see the thread ceremony of your great grandson yet. You are not going anywhere. She used to laugh and say let’s see what God has decided for me.

Now I was sitting beside her listless body, packed in a white cloth, waiting for the ambulance to take her to the hospital for donating her body. Yes, just like my grandfather, she also had donated her body to a municipal hospital and we had to take her to the hospital for completing the procedure.

I talked to her for the last time, said good bye to her. I thanked her for making me what I am today. She had literally brought me up in the absence of my parents, while they were away at work. She took care of what I liked, didn’t like and she was there for me every single morning, waiting to cook what I commanded. After I shifted to Bangalore for work and marriage, I saw less of her. But whenever I went home, she was in her high spirits waiting for me to tell her about my life.

I was lucky enough to experience the love and warmth of my grandparents. My grandfather left long back and now she is gone. I felt something snap in me when I left the house after completing the 14^th day ritual. I stood in front of her photo and cried. The very thought that I won’t see her again in my whole life weakened me for a minute. She was always present in the house, come what may, I always saw her sitting in her favorite couch and from now on, she won’t be around. That house will never be the same without her.

Life will go on. It has to…

Aaji, you will always be in my heart and prayers and I know you are there somewhere in the skies looking and smiling at me and being proud of your beloved Deepa.

I love you Aaji!