Bonds of love

For how many weeks will your parents stay with you? 2 weeks?

This is the question I often get asked from my German friends or colleagues and it's get hard for me to explain that Indian parents usually stay longer than two weeks. They come from far as they stay away in India and we don't meet them often like the German colleagues whose parents are close-by or in the same country, at least. 

My mother-in-law visits us at least once a year and once my German neighbour asked me how can you stay under one roof with her for so long. She said she can't imagine staying with anyone for more than a day. She has been living alone for almost 20 years now after the demise of her husband. Her daughter and her family stay in the city, but I have never seen them stay overnight at each other's place. If my mom had stayed in the same city, I can't imagine how many times in a day we would have visited each other 😀 

Another colleague asked me if we would be booking a room for my mother-in-law to stay separately during her visit. I looked at her bemused and didn't know what to answer. It's the cultural difference that led her to ask this question and for me to think this question as weird. I have heard stories from my German/European friends who stay in a hotel when they go to visit their parents. Or vice versa. 

How can I explain the bonds of love between the Indian kids and parents? For me the parents are sacred, next to God. Sometimes even greater than God as they shape the lives of their kids with whatever little they have. Always trying to get the best for the kid, but also giving them lessons of humility and gratitude, parents sacrifice a lot. With no expectations, just a hello or just a wish to see the grandkids, is enough to keep them going. 

My parents are currently visiting me for 6 weeks. It's a very less time, but nevertheless they are here, that's important. Though my dad had a hip fracture two years ago, when he was in Germany, he wanted to come this time in a better weather and stay with us for a while. He can't walk as good as he used to, but he wants to keep himself busy all the time. He helps around with arranging the dishwasher and putting the dishes back to where they belong. He also folds clothes, cuts vegetables in the kitchen, is always ready to take up some task or the other. My mom has entirely taken the cooking responsibility, which is a good break for me for a few days at least! It's good to have the grandparents around for my son too. He often talks to my mom about different things and my mom tries to give him doses of advice, which he patiently listens to. Things which parents can't get across to the kids are smartly put across by the grandparents. My mother-in-law has also been a great anchor in my son's life and they both are regularly in touch via WhatsApp. My mother-in-law writes to him in Marathi and we were pleasantly surprised to know that he can read Marathi after all these years. Though he doesn't like to read Marathi, he speaks the language very well. He often accompanies my mom to long trips like to Berlin or Stuttgart and my mom is just amazed how easily he does that!

The days spent with grandparents definitely have a good impact on kids and prepare them for their later years to start a family, is what I believe.

Things might change with our generation, I feel. We love our kids, but not in the same way as our parents loved us or cared for us. The circumstances are different, the country and environment is different. When my son starts his family, maybe I will need to adjust as per their routine and visit them for a day or two. Maybe we meet just twice a year on occasions or only by appointment. It is amusing to think that way but the way world in evolving, that could be the new normal. 

Whatever it may be, the bonds of love between the parents and their kids will have different shades, but will always be colourful. I look forward to the new generation holding on to what my earlier generations have passed on to me.