Brain: Are you out of your mind? Have you lost it completely?
Heart: I knew, you will say it. But I think I know what I am doing.
Brain: Oh Really!? Who told you that you are right? You have a good life here. No pollution, no crowd of people, no one to disturb you at home or outside and you are saying you don't like it here? You have nice water, air, a good house, a nice husband who never troubles you and a child who is an angel and you want to leave all this and go back to that chaotic, polluted country called India?
Heart: Oh! Hello! That's my motherland, my country, I was born into this country and was raised into it. It has made me what I am today. It might be a chaotic, polluted place but it has given me extremely good things like fulfilling jobs, my dream house and a few friends who dote on me like crazy. And how can you forget that my parents and in-laws are there too?
Brain: Big deal! What about the standard of living? You have to fight daily for water, electricity, the internet, which is a given in Germany. The traffic situation in India is a mockery and what about air pollution and contamination? What do people inhale there? Different gases except for Oxygen?
Heart: I know! I know! I have lived there most of my life. The sense of belongingness, the love, the warmth and the peace of mind all outshine the troubles you just mentioned above. I have never felt lonely or alone there. Even when I was staying alone with T when A wasn't around or when my parents were not around. But here, there is a constant feeling of emptiness, loneliness. You go out and smile at people. No one is even bothered to acknowledge it. No one knows you here, cares for you. Do you know that feeling? Do you really know how it feels?
Brain: Don't give me that sentimental bullshit. You have time to pursue your hobbies, learn new crafts, spend time in nature, go and see and experience different countries and cuisines and you are cribbing that you feel lonely.
Heart: Absolutely! I don't deny all that. But how much can I engage myself with all these activities? Activities in free time can't replace people and bonds which I have formed with them over the period of time. I am a people person. I thrive amongst people. I grow and enjoy with and in people. This culture which is extremely personal has reduced me to a mere crying doll. I am not able to handle the loneliness. I am not able to come to terms that I will have to carry on like this for years together. The weather changes are playing on my mind too.
Brain: These are all excuses! Aren't there so many other ladies who have come from India and are managing well here in the given circumstances? They have accepted and adjusted with life here and are doing well in their lives.
Heart: Oh yes, absolutely! There are many ladies who are capable of doing that and I really have great regards for them. But they have a different personality and they have different circumstances in their lives and I am a different person. You can't generalize things like this. Because 100 people think this life is good, it's not necessary that I should also accept it and carry on with a heavy heart. I have to be selfish and think about my happiness as well because if I am not happy, I can't keep others happy. I will always sulk, have grudges, have remorse of being here. So I want to set myself free and the others as well.
Brain: Now you are talking! What have you decided to do?
Heart: Wait and watch!
Heart: I knew, you will say it. But I think I know what I am doing.
Brain: Oh Really!? Who told you that you are right? You have a good life here. No pollution, no crowd of people, no one to disturb you at home or outside and you are saying you don't like it here? You have nice water, air, a good house, a nice husband who never troubles you and a child who is an angel and you want to leave all this and go back to that chaotic, polluted country called India?
Heart: Oh! Hello! That's my motherland, my country, I was born into this country and was raised into it. It has made me what I am today. It might be a chaotic, polluted place but it has given me extremely good things like fulfilling jobs, my dream house and a few friends who dote on me like crazy. And how can you forget that my parents and in-laws are there too?
Brain: Big deal! What about the standard of living? You have to fight daily for water, electricity, the internet, which is a given in Germany. The traffic situation in India is a mockery and what about air pollution and contamination? What do people inhale there? Different gases except for Oxygen?
Heart: I know! I know! I have lived there most of my life. The sense of belongingness, the love, the warmth and the peace of mind all outshine the troubles you just mentioned above. I have never felt lonely or alone there. Even when I was staying alone with T when A wasn't around or when my parents were not around. But here, there is a constant feeling of emptiness, loneliness. You go out and smile at people. No one is even bothered to acknowledge it. No one knows you here, cares for you. Do you know that feeling? Do you really know how it feels?
Brain: Don't give me that sentimental bullshit. You have time to pursue your hobbies, learn new crafts, spend time in nature, go and see and experience different countries and cuisines and you are cribbing that you feel lonely.
Heart: Absolutely! I don't deny all that. But how much can I engage myself with all these activities? Activities in free time can't replace people and bonds which I have formed with them over the period of time. I am a people person. I thrive amongst people. I grow and enjoy with and in people. This culture which is extremely personal has reduced me to a mere crying doll. I am not able to handle the loneliness. I am not able to come to terms that I will have to carry on like this for years together. The weather changes are playing on my mind too.
Brain: These are all excuses! Aren't there so many other ladies who have come from India and are managing well here in the given circumstances? They have accepted and adjusted with life here and are doing well in their lives.
Heart: Oh yes, absolutely! There are many ladies who are capable of doing that and I really have great regards for them. But they have a different personality and they have different circumstances in their lives and I am a different person. You can't generalize things like this. Because 100 people think this life is good, it's not necessary that I should also accept it and carry on with a heavy heart. I have to be selfish and think about my happiness as well because if I am not happy, I can't keep others happy. I will always sulk, have grudges, have remorse of being here. So I want to set myself free and the others as well.
Brain: Now you are talking! What have you decided to do?
Heart: Wait and watch!
Well written Mrunalini. Listen to your heart and then let the brain guide you to implement your heart's plan the best way possible.
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