Bitter and sweet

Immediately after I came back from Germany in October, we had planned a quick trip to Pune and then my native place in Mumbai. Tanay had turned 7 months old then and the “JaavaL” (ceremony of removing hair) was due. So we first went to Pune, finished off that ritual on the w/e and then Atul went back to Bangalore on the same day. I stayed on with Tanay for next few days. I wanted Tanay to spend his first Diwali (Festival of lights) with his grandparents and in their house.

I did not know that there were surprises and lessons for me in store during this stay.

As you all would have realized by reading about Tanay now that he is extremely social and loveable baby. He keeps on smiling all the time and likes to be surrounded by people so that they can talk to him and play with him. To his surprise, there was one more person this time, his blood relative in the house (@ Pune) and that person hardly paid any attention to this little fellow.  I will call that person X as I do not want to name him or her in a public forum. Tanay’s squeals of laughter, his cries, his tears, and his playful demeanor did not move X at all. Tanay’s face was a sight to see. Poor baby!! He tried hard to seek X’s attention, but X has forgotten to smile in his life, I guess! Because X had some problems with me and my husband once upon a time, X passed that anger and sour attitude to this little baby also. I had a faint hope that X would have changed for good and the arrival of a small member would change the equation between us. But no, I was mistaken. I felt very bad for my baby. X neither played with him nor spoke to him lovingly or took him in his arms. No doubt X got some trendy clothes for Tanay, but then what was the use of these materialistic things when X could not display any warm feelings or emotions towards such an extremely cute baby. I would have thrown those clothes away or given them to the needy people, but so that my family members won’t feel bad, I had to carry them to Bangalore. I haven’t put on for Tanay yet, do not feel like. X hardly took notice of me or spoke to me. I was not moved at all, was rather expecting that. I have now gone beyond all the emotions of getting hurt and sitting brooding over it, thinking about why this person behaved like this or why this person said like this. Now nothing else matters to me than my son, who is the most important to me in my life. Even when we left the house to come back to Bangalore, X did not bid us a goodbye. We do not know when we will see each other again or if we will ever see each other again. X did not even acknowledge our exit. I really felt pity for X. X was left bereft of a wonderful baby like Tanay. It was X’s bad luck that this person did not interact with such a sweet natured baby in a way which was usually expected from Tanay’s blood relative. Anyways, Tanay won’t even remember or recognize X the next time he sees X, which is a good thing. But I will not be able to forget this episode for a very long time.

Cut to Mumbai,

I visited my grandmother who is 80 years old and she was waiting to see her great grandson from the time he was born. So in my super short trip to Mumbai, I had to keep 1 day aside for her. She was so overwhelmed by seeing such an active and cute baby that she wanted us to stay for some more days, but unfortunately that was not possible. To give you all a background about my next experience, there has been fallout in the past between my maternal uncle and my mom for some misunderstanding created by his wife and from past 5 years, we are out of touch. I was the world for my maternal uncle and suddenly he cut all his contacts with me for no fault of mine. I did not even get time to clear my side or ask him the reason for not talking to me. I accepted the fact that we were destined to be associated only till that period and I moved on, so did he and his family. Off late, my mother told me that he has started visiting and talking to her and she did take that sportingly, but now the emotions were dead. It has just remained a formality for her. My grandmother had told my uncle that I was going to visit her with my son and there was a faint ray of hope in my heart that he would come and see my little one because he had become a grandfather. Again, here my hopes were dashed and he proved again that nothing had really changed between us. Anyways, I am not really sure when I would ever be meeting him in my life with Tanay in Mumbai again.

And on the contrary, our (my and my hubby’s) common friends came to see Tanay with such enthusiasm. My mom’s very close friend and her husband came over at night just because they wanted to see me. They got gifts for him, blessed him, played with him, and talked to him. They came after office, they were extremely tired, but they took some time out. They did not want to miss this chance of seeing me and Tanay as I said earlier; I really do not know when a trip to Mumbai will be possible with him again. What was their relation with Tanay? He was my son, for them I was important and they came for me to see my son.

These two experiences strengthened my belief in the fact that ties and bonds made by the heart out of love and mutual respect are greater than the ties of blood. I have had these experiences in my immediate family, what else could I have expected from others, who were not a part of my family. But I got immense love, attention and care from all my near and dear and close friends. I do not know if I can ever thank them for being with me through thick and thin. I pity X and my maternal uncle’s family for missing the chance to interact with their very own kin.

Maybe they were not destined this happiness…