White Christmas

I had never seen a snowfall in my life of 23 years. And what a sight it was when I really got to experience it!

Way back in 2002, I got an opportunity to visit my dream destination, the country, where I was able to communicate with the people, understand them and get understood in return. I was in Germany, the country, which amazed me with its picturesque and clean natural beauty and the Germans left me awestruck with their punctuality and diligence.

We happened to get invited by a German friend of ours for Christmas that year, which is actually not very common. Germans prefer celebrating this festival with their close family members. But then this friend was really sweet and she went out of the way to make us feel comfortable at her place. Her parents had decorated their house beautifully. There was a small pond at the backside of the house, where they had reared gold fish. I was wondering, how the fish survive when the water freezes. Do they stay below the thin crust of the frozen water or just die off?

There is usually an excitement in the air amongst the Germans regarding whether it will be a White Christmas or a normal one. Almost every person in Germany awaits a White Christmas. But not all parts of the country receive snow at the same time. When we went to my friend’s place on 24^th December, it was just freezing cold and snow was nowhere in sight. But on 25^th, suddenly small flakes of snow began to drop on our hands when we were roaming in the backyard and within no time, the whole place was filled with snow. It was so soft and tender!! We shouted and we jumped in joy; we danced like small kids with the snow flakes on our hands and hair and all over our clothes. For my friend and her parents, it was a usual phenomenon, which happened every year in their lives, but for us, it was “the” first time and it was so very beautiful.

We tried to capture the snow flakes in our cameras, but then whatever human senses capture, can’t be captured by any other technology, be it the latest and the advanced, I believe. I accumulated all those lovely sights and scenes and the memories in my eyes and then digitized them in the brain and they are so very fresh and alive even today as if I am experiencing them even today! Each snow flake was different from the other. It is said that not a single snow flake resembles the other with respect to its shape and dimension. Isn’t it the wonder of nature? Can human beings replicate the snow flakes just like the natural ones? I do not think so! Nature has kept many of its secrets still as secret and that is the most wonderful and amazing part which really leaves me dumbstruck. Technology has no doubt made our lives simpler, but the natural beauty when experienced in abundance takes you to a different meditative state altogether. You start believing in the almighty and that unseen power which guides one and all.

We got a very picture of nature in Germany. People have maintained the sanctity of all the natural reservoirs, be it rivers, lakes, forests, or even man-made gardens for that matter. Germany is so technically advanced, but it is one of the most Eco-friendly and Eco-conscious countries in the world and takes a lot of care to not harm nature in any way and tries its best to maintain the balance between nature and man.

I so very wish that we Indians get inspired from them in this regards!

Secret Santa

Christmas is just around the corner.

So, this whole week, we celebrated "Secret Santa" in my department.

Our names were written on chits and they were thoroughly mixed together. Then we had to pick one chit each. The name on the chit would be the person to whom I would be giving gifts without revealing my identity. I immediately got working. On the first day, I gifted the person only 4 candies. Then the other day, I made a book mark for him and gave it along with a few fruit goodies. Today was the day where the names would be revealed to each other and so I bought him a nice pen so that he can use it for working and writing. We all gathered at 2:30 pm in the bay and were introduced to each other. The person to whom I gifted the goodies and other stuff was so overwhelmed on seeing that I was his secret Santa that he had no words. This person was in my team, but he never spoke to me or interacted with me. He hardly smiled at me and now suddenly there was a change in his attitude, the ice was broken and he again came to my desk to say thanks.

Atul has been regularly helping some or the other "needy" and "noble" organization without making himself known. I have been sponsoring a girl's education all these years and soon, I will start funding a scholarship by the name of my late grandfather, Mr. Devidas Vinayak Velankar, who himself studied only till 8th class, but went on to become a Manager of Ballarpur Textile mills in Punjab. He always stressed the importance of education and I would really like to help some one who is diligent, hard working, but is unable to take education due to his/her circumstances.

What joy and bliss it is to give! I felt really nice in playing "The Secret Santa". And in return even I got some nice chocolates from my secret Santa. I think this circle continues in some form or the other. You help someone and when you are in need, help comes in some form or the other, not necessary from the same person or source. Sharing, giving gives immense pleasure and a satisfaction which no other stuff can really give. It is said charity begins at home. The newer generations are becoming so very self-centered and are lost in their own world of modern gadgets nowadays that they hardly understand what it means to give and get blessed in return. I really wish I am able to inculcate the virtue of giving and sharing in Tanay so that he in turn nurtures some one else on this virtue.

Aspirations

Though my son is just 8 months old, I often think of what he will chose as a profession and how different will that be from the usual routine? As a baby, he cycled a lot when he was still lying on his back. That time, I jokingly said, will you be a cyclist and break all the existing records of the world championships? Then as he started sitting, he now has picked the habit of banging his hands on every thing that comes in his way, be it a plate or a toy or a table. He bangs things with the specific position of fingers and wrist, just like a tabla player. Then a thought comes to my mind, will he be the next Zakir Hussain? He crawls all around the house now, but his favorite destination is kitchen. He wants to see what his grand mother or the cook is cooking. He has to see if the washing machine is running properly and if the kitchen floor is mopped properly or if something has been dropped on the floor. His sharp eyes will see such tiny objects which my eyes with spectacles can’t see. Then my mind starts running again and I think, will be a celebrity chef like Sanjeev Kapoor? I know all these thoughts are not really going to take shape. He is going to do what he will like the most and most important thing is that he should enjoy what he will do.

We both as parents are not going to force him to do what we aspired to do, but couldn’t become due to various circumstances. Our parents gave us the freedom to choose what we wanted to do and that made us responsible and accountable to all the decisions which we took with regards to career. Though I was academically bright, I was never asked to follow the usual path of engineering or doctor. I made a choice, a conscious effort to learn a foreign language and I am enjoying what I am doing currently. I am amongst those fortunate ones who are practicing what they have really taken pains and interest to learn. I know many people who did education in stream A, but are forced to work in entirely different field. They neither have the interest to acquire knowledge in stream B and move ahead successfully, nor have the guts to go back to what they really like.

When I was carrying, I had attended a workshop on “Garbhasanskar” (educating the fetus in the womb) and there I was told a wonderful thing. “The baby who is going to come into your life and family is going to be an individual, who is going to take birth to satisfy his needs and aspirations and not yours”. What a thought! We have a tradition where son/daughter carries on with the responsibility of fulfilling the wishes of their parents, even though they do not really like that field. Sons of doctors do become doctors and a businessman’s daughter has to take over the business, though she wants to do something on her own. The trend is changing a lot now. There are exceptions and parents have also become conscious now. Forcing your child to do something which you couldn’t do may drive the kid to depression and even suicide. I know a family where the parents put their son in the engineering stream even when he was average in school and just managed to get a bare minimum of 60 % in the 12^th standard. He himself was not clear as to what he really liked and what he wanted to do ahead in his life. So he carried on with the family’s tradition without thinking twice. He flunked all the subjects in both the semesters in 1^st year and had to sit at home for the next year to just clear the 1^st year subjects. He does not understand the subjects or what is taught in the college and does not know if he will be able to clear the subjects and move ahead in the Engineering stream. Only if his parents would have consulted a career consultant earlier or would have got his aptitude tests done, he would have been a much happier and successful boy today and would have enjoyed doing and learning what really interested him.

Today there are many avenues open to the young generation. There are educational courses now, which were unheard of when I graduated in the year 2000. Today’s generation is smarter and knows what they want to pursue. They do all the background checks and keep their preferences and choices ready and when they get an opportunity, they make the most of it and excel in it. My kid sister, Aradhana, knew very well that she doesn’t want to do Engineering or Medicine or MBA, because most of the kids still do that. She chose to do a B.Sc and also studied a foreign language side by side. She is also clearly focused on what she is going to do after her graduation. I feel really proud to see her parents support her in every thing. She is happy and so are her parents in turn.

Whatever career our kids choose, we should support them as long as it makes them happy and self-sufficient and the least we can expect from them is that they put in their best efforts and pursue their dreams with passion and a good spirit.

Uncertainity of life

Yesterday, after many days, I logged in to Facebook. I do not have internet access in office, which is a good thing. Much of our time is spent in working lol! And after coming home, I do not have the patience to again sit in front of the PC. The time which I get with Tanay in the evening only feels so less that I hardly can think of doing anything else. I write blog when he sleeps off at night. So yesterday while checking all what I have missed in the past days, I happened to stumble upon something really unexpected.

We have a e-group of chitpavan people where we all are members of the group. We all are spread all around the globe and we keep in touch with each other on that group. We also have a group on FB now as it is easily accessible to all. There I saw one post by a friend, who had written about another friend that she is now no more and that she will always be missed. I had met that friend once in Pune and she was a great singer and a poet and a very friendly person. Learning about the death on a platform like FB was a shocker for me. She was hardly 30 years old. I did not get the details as what exactly went wrong, but I was deeply saddened by her untimely death and that led me to a series of thought.

This year, I lost many people in my acquaintance. Being far away from them did not even permit me to say good bye to them. I did not even know that it would be the last time I would ever see them or talk to them. We spend so much time in amassing what we think is precious for us, but then when we go, all we take with us are good wishes and blessings of our near and dear ones, isn't it? All that really matters is the good time we spent with that person and nothing else really remains in our minds about the departed soul. That is the reason, many people say that live life as if there is no tomorrow. I remember a beautiful number from Ronan Keating which is "If tomorrow never comes" (Link to the song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4kzGhDEURA) It still gives me goosebumps every time I listen to it and reminds me of how uncertain tomorrow can really be. We have to be on our guard and must enjoy today to the fullest.

After knowing about the sad demise of my friend, I quickly went to her homepage on FB, because it was hard for me to believe that she is no more. And there I found a number of scraps on her wall by some of her friends which read that she will be greatly missed and that may her soul rest in peace etc. I found it a bit odd. How was she going to read those messages anyways? She had already started her next journey. But then I also felt that they were genuine emotions of her friends and that was their last tribute to her.
 

Bitter and sweet

Immediately after I came back from Germany in October, we had planned a quick trip to Pune and then my native place in Mumbai. Tanay had turned 7 months old then and the “JaavaL” (ceremony of removing hair) was due. So we first went to Pune, finished off that ritual on the w/e and then Atul went back to Bangalore on the same day. I stayed on with Tanay for next few days. I wanted Tanay to spend his first Diwali (Festival of lights) with his grandparents and in their house.

I did not know that there were surprises and lessons for me in store during this stay.

As you all would have realized by reading about Tanay now that he is extremely social and loveable baby. He keeps on smiling all the time and likes to be surrounded by people so that they can talk to him and play with him. To his surprise, there was one more person this time, his blood relative in the house (@ Pune) and that person hardly paid any attention to this little fellow.  I will call that person X as I do not want to name him or her in a public forum. Tanay’s squeals of laughter, his cries, his tears, and his playful demeanor did not move X at all. Tanay’s face was a sight to see. Poor baby!! He tried hard to seek X’s attention, but X has forgotten to smile in his life, I guess! Because X had some problems with me and my husband once upon a time, X passed that anger and sour attitude to this little baby also. I had a faint hope that X would have changed for good and the arrival of a small member would change the equation between us. But no, I was mistaken. I felt very bad for my baby. X neither played with him nor spoke to him lovingly or took him in his arms. No doubt X got some trendy clothes for Tanay, but then what was the use of these materialistic things when X could not display any warm feelings or emotions towards such an extremely cute baby. I would have thrown those clothes away or given them to the needy people, but so that my family members won’t feel bad, I had to carry them to Bangalore. I haven’t put on for Tanay yet, do not feel like. X hardly took notice of me or spoke to me. I was not moved at all, was rather expecting that. I have now gone beyond all the emotions of getting hurt and sitting brooding over it, thinking about why this person behaved like this or why this person said like this. Now nothing else matters to me than my son, who is the most important to me in my life. Even when we left the house to come back to Bangalore, X did not bid us a goodbye. We do not know when we will see each other again or if we will ever see each other again. X did not even acknowledge our exit. I really felt pity for X. X was left bereft of a wonderful baby like Tanay. It was X’s bad luck that this person did not interact with such a sweet natured baby in a way which was usually expected from Tanay’s blood relative. Anyways, Tanay won’t even remember or recognize X the next time he sees X, which is a good thing. But I will not be able to forget this episode for a very long time.

Cut to Mumbai,

I visited my grandmother who is 80 years old and she was waiting to see her great grandson from the time he was born. So in my super short trip to Mumbai, I had to keep 1 day aside for her. She was so overwhelmed by seeing such an active and cute baby that she wanted us to stay for some more days, but unfortunately that was not possible. To give you all a background about my next experience, there has been fallout in the past between my maternal uncle and my mom for some misunderstanding created by his wife and from past 5 years, we are out of touch. I was the world for my maternal uncle and suddenly he cut all his contacts with me for no fault of mine. I did not even get time to clear my side or ask him the reason for not talking to me. I accepted the fact that we were destined to be associated only till that period and I moved on, so did he and his family. Off late, my mother told me that he has started visiting and talking to her and she did take that sportingly, but now the emotions were dead. It has just remained a formality for her. My grandmother had told my uncle that I was going to visit her with my son and there was a faint ray of hope in my heart that he would come and see my little one because he had become a grandfather. Again, here my hopes were dashed and he proved again that nothing had really changed between us. Anyways, I am not really sure when I would ever be meeting him in my life with Tanay in Mumbai again.

And on the contrary, our (my and my hubby’s) common friends came to see Tanay with such enthusiasm. My mom’s very close friend and her husband came over at night just because they wanted to see me. They got gifts for him, blessed him, played with him, and talked to him. They came after office, they were extremely tired, but they took some time out. They did not want to miss this chance of seeing me and Tanay as I said earlier; I really do not know when a trip to Mumbai will be possible with him again. What was their relation with Tanay? He was my son, for them I was important and they came for me to see my son.

These two experiences strengthened my belief in the fact that ties and bonds made by the heart out of love and mutual respect are greater than the ties of blood. I have had these experiences in my immediate family, what else could I have expected from others, who were not a part of my family. But I got immense love, attention and care from all my near and dear and close friends. I do not know if I can ever thank them for being with me through thick and thin. I pity X and my maternal uncle’s family for missing the chance to interact with their very own kin.

Maybe they were not destined this happiness…

A new innings

 Getting back to work almost after 8 months is little difficult.

Managing 12 hours outside home when you have a baby at home is all the more difficult. But every working mother goes through this some or the other time. And there are quite a few challenges in this new role of a working mother. There are a quite a few friends of mine who have given up their careers for the sake of bringing up their own children. They might have not got or asked for any help from their parents or in-laws owing to circumstances and they might be also reluctant to send their kids to the creche. Moreover, they might want to be there in every moment of their child's development. I really respect such women. Being at home for the kid 24/7 and adjusting days, months and years together around the child's routine is really something. I had this experience for a month when I was alone with Tanay in Germany. I will admit here that I had also fancied the idea of taking a long break and looking after Tanay for at least 2 years and then start looking for opportunities, but then once you are out of touch and out of the circle, you are lost. Thanks to my hubby, he encouraged me to take up a good opportunity and I got back to work again.

It was difficult initially for the idea to sink in that I will have to leave Tanay and go to office. I thought, he won't miss me or recognize me. But that was again a fancy thing to think. How can a baby not miss or recognize his own mother? He would take some time to establish the idea of mom and dad and they not being around, but he will definitely acknowledge their presence once they are in front of his eyes. How stupid my thinking was! Being able to work and earn and be independent is definitely a wonderful feeling. Being able to earn in a field which you really like is a blessing in itself. You not only enjoy it, but at the end of the day, you leave the office with a feeling that I am doing something which does not seem work at all!

Being able to earn also helps you in providing the best for your kid, be it education or toys or clothes. As parents, we both are not very inclined towards providing high end and branded clothes and toys to our baby. Simple, uncomplicated and useful things impart the same knowledge as flossy, flashy things or toys do is our way of looking at it. This generation being very quick to learn and adaptive to changes is going to keep us on our toes and bringing them up is going to be a challenge of very different kind for us. The moral values have to be instilled very carefully in them as they will question every statement of ours. We never asked our parents the question why, but the same can't be expected from our kids. They will need an explanation for every thing we say and do and we have to carefully choose our words and actions. To get this to the children that though both the parents are earning, it is not easy money but hard earned money and I can't get everything and anything that comes out of my mouth is going to be very tough for the parents of our generation, I think. That is the reason it is said, bringing up a child is not a child's play. It requires a proper balance of good values and morals and habits. It requires immense patience and a will to make your child a good human being. Shining academically may or may not be possible for every kid, but helping him become a good human being is definitely in every parent's hands.

Let's all pray that the generation to come is fully equipped with all the good values, morals, positive energy to fight the vices and the wrong doers and emerge victorious in their respective fields. A lot of responsibility lies on our shoulders!!   

To my dear baby

 Dear Tanay,

You turned 8 months old just a while ago. And these 8 months have been phenomenal in my life. From the time of holding a tiny red bundle in my hands when you were just a few hours old till the time you started roaming all around the place on your stomach (though you crawl very well, but you are too lazy to do it), it is a journey to savor. Your cute and toothless innocent smile and squeals make me go weak in my knees and also bring tears to my eyes. The feeling of you belonging entirely to me is just out of this world. Every moment I spent with you was a moment of learning. Just as you took birth, the mother in me also took birth at the same time and so we both have been growing together since then.

You would be wondering nowadays, where does my mommy disappear in the morning? I see her only in the evening directly. Dear Sonny, I had to joined work because your daddy and I have to give you the best of everything and for that we both have to earn and take care of our careers too. Of course, you were and shall be our highest priority in life. Only that we have to divide time between our work and you. And you shall, no doubt, have the highest share, rather most of our time when we are all together. The first day to office after a long maternity break was very difficult to me and I was just physically present in office, my heart was with you all the time. I was calling home every 2 hours just to check on you. I knew you would be playing very nicely with your grandmother. You share a great rapport with her. In fact you are happy with anyone and everyone who is around you, who talks to you and plays with you. You are a very easy going baby when it comes to eating too. You are not fussy at all and enjoy every type of food which is introduced to you. Maybe you did not miss me, but I missed you a lot. I had spent every second with you from past 8 months that you were born and before that the entire 9 months when you were in my womb. So suddenly you not being around did leave me empty for some days, but then slowly I got adjusted. I waited to see your smiling face in the evening when I came back from office. Due to traffic in the peak hours, it so happened that I got very late and you were already asleep by then. I felt so bad, I wanted to wake you up and take you in my arms, but you were sleeping so soundly that I did not feel like disturbing you.

From next day onwards, I hired a driver and took the car to office daily. No doubt it costed me a lot, but then money is not really important than the time I get to spend with you in the evenings nowadays. I return home on time and get a few hours with you till you hit the bed. I feel very blessed when people say that you are a very cute, happy and ever smiling baby. I am sure you have inherited this trait from both your grandmoms and your dear daddy. You sleep on time, you get up early in the morning just like a big boy. You play on your own, but you need someone to be around in the vicinity which is ok for your age. You interact with every single person coming across with a nice, wide smile and that person is bound to be bowled over by this gesture of yours.

So, dear baby, I am going to miss some of your important milestones as I will be away in office. The very first things might be missed, but yes, I will always be there in every walk and talk of your life till you become independent and big enough to do things on your own. One day when you grow up and start understanding, I will tell you all this in person and I am sure you will bowl me over with your usual cute and innocent smile and say, Come on mommy, it's alright!