The decision

Moving to the new house, our own house in June last year proved very lucky for us.

We got to know that a new member is going to join us by April 2012 and our joy knew no bounds. Our parents, grandparents, friends, well wishers were very happy for us and then suddenly one more opportunity knocked our doors. Atul was waiting for this opportunity all this while and finally it came his way. That opportunity was going to Germany for 2 years starting January 2012.

I didn’t know whether I should have been happy to hear this or sad because he won’t be there when the baby arrives. That last 3 months of pregnancy, called as the last trimester are the most exciting months, when you actually feel the baby’s movements and get connected to it by talking to him/her and bonding with the baby. He won’t be able to enjoy a single moment of it. We even checked the possibility if I can join Atul in January itself. The company was going to bear all expenses from the time I would have been there. Atul was excited about this option, but then..

The expenses were not my only concern..

This was my first experience of becoming a mother. And that too was coming to me after a long wait. I didn’t want anything to go wrong with this chance. In Germany, there are advanced facilities available which would have made the experience of pregnancy and delivery a very different and memorable one, perhaps! But my people, my parents and my in-laws, my close friends wouldn’t have been there in person with me to be my emotional support. The feeling that somebody is there to take care of you when it is most needed is so heartening, that I couldn’t imagine myself alone in the last days of pregnancy in Germany, doing everything by myself. No doubt Atul would have been there, but still he would be busy in his office work and travelling and there are certain limitations when it comes to men. The pain and trauma which a woman goes through during delivery cannot be fathomed by any man. Besides when the baby would have arrived, there would be no people around to welcome the baby and be happy about it. It is so very cold outside when it comes to expressing such joys! Perhaps my mother-in-law or mother would have joined me there in the last days of pregnancy, but then it was not feasible and there was also a big language problem. They do not know German or can’t speak English very fluently to communicate with the doctors there. So, I had to take a crucial and major decision.

I cried and was sad for a few days after learning that Atul wouldn’t’ be there during the birth of our child. But then I had to be strong. He also tried to cheer me up saying that I was not going to be alone in Bangalore, he was going to be alone in Germany! Yes, he was right. My parents and in-laws would be there, by my side when the baby arrives. My friends, their love, care, support would be very helpful to me to overcome this last stage of pregnancy very easily. So, I decided to stay back and finish the delivery in Bangalore itself and join Atul later when the baby is at least 6 months old. Atul would want us both to join him at the earliest, but then it depends on my and baby’s health at that time. And at this time, we really cannot decide anything till baby arrives. With a 3 month old baby, travelling to Germany all by myself and taking care of the baby and doing all household chores there looks a herculean task to me right now. But Atul gave me good piece of mind and asked me to shed my inhibitions and just go for it. Don’t underestimate yourself, is what he told me. But then it is not underestimation, but a fear of unknown. If I was alone, I would have managed anyhow. But with the baby, things are going to be different. His sleep timing, eating habits will keep on changing almost every day till he gets 6 months old. It is not a rocket science to look after the baby, but every day will give me a new insight and experience in bringing it up! It will make me a good multi-tasker of household chores. Haven’t done it since a few years now! I have a good learning scope in near future J

So now the scene is..

Atul will leave alone for Germany next week and come back when the baby arrives and then baby and I will travel sometime in Sep/October to be with him for a few months.

Amen!