White Christmas

I had never seen a snowfall in my life of 23 years. And what a sight it was when I really got to experience it!

Way back in 2002, I got an opportunity to visit my dream destination, the country, where I was able to communicate with the people, understand them and get understood in return. I was in Germany, the country, which amazed me with its picturesque and clean natural beauty and the Germans left me awestruck with their punctuality and diligence.

We happened to get invited by a German friend of ours for Christmas that year, which is actually not very common. Germans prefer celebrating this festival with their close family members. But then this friend was really sweet and she went out of the way to make us feel comfortable at her place. Her parents had decorated their house beautifully. There was a small pond at the backside of the house, where they had reared gold fish. I was wondering, how the fish survive when the water freezes. Do they stay below the thin crust of the frozen water or just die off?

There is usually an excitement in the air amongst the Germans regarding whether it will be a White Christmas or a normal one. Almost every person in Germany awaits a White Christmas. But not all parts of the country receive snow at the same time. When we went to my friend’s place on 24^th December, it was just freezing cold and snow was nowhere in sight. But on 25^th, suddenly small flakes of snow began to drop on our hands when we were roaming in the backyard and within no time, the whole place was filled with snow. It was so soft and tender!! We shouted and we jumped in joy; we danced like small kids with the snow flakes on our hands and hair and all over our clothes. For my friend and her parents, it was a usual phenomenon, which happened every year in their lives, but for us, it was “the” first time and it was so very beautiful.

We tried to capture the snow flakes in our cameras, but then whatever human senses capture, can’t be captured by any other technology, be it the latest and the advanced, I believe. I accumulated all those lovely sights and scenes and the memories in my eyes and then digitized them in the brain and they are so very fresh and alive even today as if I am experiencing them even today! Each snow flake was different from the other. It is said that not a single snow flake resembles the other with respect to its shape and dimension. Isn’t it the wonder of nature? Can human beings replicate the snow flakes just like the natural ones? I do not think so! Nature has kept many of its secrets still as secret and that is the most wonderful and amazing part which really leaves me dumbstruck. Technology has no doubt made our lives simpler, but the natural beauty when experienced in abundance takes you to a different meditative state altogether. You start believing in the almighty and that unseen power which guides one and all.

We got a very picture of nature in Germany. People have maintained the sanctity of all the natural reservoirs, be it rivers, lakes, forests, or even man-made gardens for that matter. Germany is so technically advanced, but it is one of the most Eco-friendly and Eco-conscious countries in the world and takes a lot of care to not harm nature in any way and tries its best to maintain the balance between nature and man.

I so very wish that we Indians get inspired from them in this regards!

Secret Santa

Christmas is just around the corner.

So, this whole week, we celebrated "Secret Santa" in my department.

Our names were written on chits and they were thoroughly mixed together. Then we had to pick one chit each. The name on the chit would be the person to whom I would be giving gifts without revealing my identity. I immediately got working. On the first day, I gifted the person only 4 candies. Then the other day, I made a book mark for him and gave it along with a few fruit goodies. Today was the day where the names would be revealed to each other and so I bought him a nice pen so that he can use it for working and writing. We all gathered at 2:30 pm in the bay and were introduced to each other. The person to whom I gifted the goodies and other stuff was so overwhelmed on seeing that I was his secret Santa that he had no words. This person was in my team, but he never spoke to me or interacted with me. He hardly smiled at me and now suddenly there was a change in his attitude, the ice was broken and he again came to my desk to say thanks.

Atul has been regularly helping some or the other "needy" and "noble" organization without making himself known. I have been sponsoring a girl's education all these years and soon, I will start funding a scholarship by the name of my late grandfather, Mr. Devidas Vinayak Velankar, who himself studied only till 8th class, but went on to become a Manager of Ballarpur Textile mills in Punjab. He always stressed the importance of education and I would really like to help some one who is diligent, hard working, but is unable to take education due to his/her circumstances.

What joy and bliss it is to give! I felt really nice in playing "The Secret Santa". And in return even I got some nice chocolates from my secret Santa. I think this circle continues in some form or the other. You help someone and when you are in need, help comes in some form or the other, not necessary from the same person or source. Sharing, giving gives immense pleasure and a satisfaction which no other stuff can really give. It is said charity begins at home. The newer generations are becoming so very self-centered and are lost in their own world of modern gadgets nowadays that they hardly understand what it means to give and get blessed in return. I really wish I am able to inculcate the virtue of giving and sharing in Tanay so that he in turn nurtures some one else on this virtue.

Aspirations

Though my son is just 8 months old, I often think of what he will chose as a profession and how different will that be from the usual routine? As a baby, he cycled a lot when he was still lying on his back. That time, I jokingly said, will you be a cyclist and break all the existing records of the world championships? Then as he started sitting, he now has picked the habit of banging his hands on every thing that comes in his way, be it a plate or a toy or a table. He bangs things with the specific position of fingers and wrist, just like a tabla player. Then a thought comes to my mind, will he be the next Zakir Hussain? He crawls all around the house now, but his favorite destination is kitchen. He wants to see what his grand mother or the cook is cooking. He has to see if the washing machine is running properly and if the kitchen floor is mopped properly or if something has been dropped on the floor. His sharp eyes will see such tiny objects which my eyes with spectacles can’t see. Then my mind starts running again and I think, will be a celebrity chef like Sanjeev Kapoor? I know all these thoughts are not really going to take shape. He is going to do what he will like the most and most important thing is that he should enjoy what he will do.

We both as parents are not going to force him to do what we aspired to do, but couldn’t become due to various circumstances. Our parents gave us the freedom to choose what we wanted to do and that made us responsible and accountable to all the decisions which we took with regards to career. Though I was academically bright, I was never asked to follow the usual path of engineering or doctor. I made a choice, a conscious effort to learn a foreign language and I am enjoying what I am doing currently. I am amongst those fortunate ones who are practicing what they have really taken pains and interest to learn. I know many people who did education in stream A, but are forced to work in entirely different field. They neither have the interest to acquire knowledge in stream B and move ahead successfully, nor have the guts to go back to what they really like.

When I was carrying, I had attended a workshop on “Garbhasanskar” (educating the fetus in the womb) and there I was told a wonderful thing. “The baby who is going to come into your life and family is going to be an individual, who is going to take birth to satisfy his needs and aspirations and not yours”. What a thought! We have a tradition where son/daughter carries on with the responsibility of fulfilling the wishes of their parents, even though they do not really like that field. Sons of doctors do become doctors and a businessman’s daughter has to take over the business, though she wants to do something on her own. The trend is changing a lot now. There are exceptions and parents have also become conscious now. Forcing your child to do something which you couldn’t do may drive the kid to depression and even suicide. I know a family where the parents put their son in the engineering stream even when he was average in school and just managed to get a bare minimum of 60 % in the 12^th standard. He himself was not clear as to what he really liked and what he wanted to do ahead in his life. So he carried on with the family’s tradition without thinking twice. He flunked all the subjects in both the semesters in 1^st year and had to sit at home for the next year to just clear the 1^st year subjects. He does not understand the subjects or what is taught in the college and does not know if he will be able to clear the subjects and move ahead in the Engineering stream. Only if his parents would have consulted a career consultant earlier or would have got his aptitude tests done, he would have been a much happier and successful boy today and would have enjoyed doing and learning what really interested him.

Today there are many avenues open to the young generation. There are educational courses now, which were unheard of when I graduated in the year 2000. Today’s generation is smarter and knows what they want to pursue. They do all the background checks and keep their preferences and choices ready and when they get an opportunity, they make the most of it and excel in it. My kid sister, Aradhana, knew very well that she doesn’t want to do Engineering or Medicine or MBA, because most of the kids still do that. She chose to do a B.Sc and also studied a foreign language side by side. She is also clearly focused on what she is going to do after her graduation. I feel really proud to see her parents support her in every thing. She is happy and so are her parents in turn.

Whatever career our kids choose, we should support them as long as it makes them happy and self-sufficient and the least we can expect from them is that they put in their best efforts and pursue their dreams with passion and a good spirit.

Uncertainity of life

Yesterday, after many days, I logged in to Facebook. I do not have internet access in office, which is a good thing. Much of our time is spent in working lol! And after coming home, I do not have the patience to again sit in front of the PC. The time which I get with Tanay in the evening only feels so less that I hardly can think of doing anything else. I write blog when he sleeps off at night. So yesterday while checking all what I have missed in the past days, I happened to stumble upon something really unexpected.

We have a e-group of chitpavan people where we all are members of the group. We all are spread all around the globe and we keep in touch with each other on that group. We also have a group on FB now as it is easily accessible to all. There I saw one post by a friend, who had written about another friend that she is now no more and that she will always be missed. I had met that friend once in Pune and she was a great singer and a poet and a very friendly person. Learning about the death on a platform like FB was a shocker for me. She was hardly 30 years old. I did not get the details as what exactly went wrong, but I was deeply saddened by her untimely death and that led me to a series of thought.

This year, I lost many people in my acquaintance. Being far away from them did not even permit me to say good bye to them. I did not even know that it would be the last time I would ever see them or talk to them. We spend so much time in amassing what we think is precious for us, but then when we go, all we take with us are good wishes and blessings of our near and dear ones, isn't it? All that really matters is the good time we spent with that person and nothing else really remains in our minds about the departed soul. That is the reason, many people say that live life as if there is no tomorrow. I remember a beautiful number from Ronan Keating which is "If tomorrow never comes" (Link to the song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4kzGhDEURA) It still gives me goosebumps every time I listen to it and reminds me of how uncertain tomorrow can really be. We have to be on our guard and must enjoy today to the fullest.

After knowing about the sad demise of my friend, I quickly went to her homepage on FB, because it was hard for me to believe that she is no more. And there I found a number of scraps on her wall by some of her friends which read that she will be greatly missed and that may her soul rest in peace etc. I found it a bit odd. How was she going to read those messages anyways? She had already started her next journey. But then I also felt that they were genuine emotions of her friends and that was their last tribute to her.
 

Bitter and sweet

Immediately after I came back from Germany in October, we had planned a quick trip to Pune and then my native place in Mumbai. Tanay had turned 7 months old then and the “JaavaL” (ceremony of removing hair) was due. So we first went to Pune, finished off that ritual on the w/e and then Atul went back to Bangalore on the same day. I stayed on with Tanay for next few days. I wanted Tanay to spend his first Diwali (Festival of lights) with his grandparents and in their house.

I did not know that there were surprises and lessons for me in store during this stay.

As you all would have realized by reading about Tanay now that he is extremely social and loveable baby. He keeps on smiling all the time and likes to be surrounded by people so that they can talk to him and play with him. To his surprise, there was one more person this time, his blood relative in the house (@ Pune) and that person hardly paid any attention to this little fellow.  I will call that person X as I do not want to name him or her in a public forum. Tanay’s squeals of laughter, his cries, his tears, and his playful demeanor did not move X at all. Tanay’s face was a sight to see. Poor baby!! He tried hard to seek X’s attention, but X has forgotten to smile in his life, I guess! Because X had some problems with me and my husband once upon a time, X passed that anger and sour attitude to this little baby also. I had a faint hope that X would have changed for good and the arrival of a small member would change the equation between us. But no, I was mistaken. I felt very bad for my baby. X neither played with him nor spoke to him lovingly or took him in his arms. No doubt X got some trendy clothes for Tanay, but then what was the use of these materialistic things when X could not display any warm feelings or emotions towards such an extremely cute baby. I would have thrown those clothes away or given them to the needy people, but so that my family members won’t feel bad, I had to carry them to Bangalore. I haven’t put on for Tanay yet, do not feel like. X hardly took notice of me or spoke to me. I was not moved at all, was rather expecting that. I have now gone beyond all the emotions of getting hurt and sitting brooding over it, thinking about why this person behaved like this or why this person said like this. Now nothing else matters to me than my son, who is the most important to me in my life. Even when we left the house to come back to Bangalore, X did not bid us a goodbye. We do not know when we will see each other again or if we will ever see each other again. X did not even acknowledge our exit. I really felt pity for X. X was left bereft of a wonderful baby like Tanay. It was X’s bad luck that this person did not interact with such a sweet natured baby in a way which was usually expected from Tanay’s blood relative. Anyways, Tanay won’t even remember or recognize X the next time he sees X, which is a good thing. But I will not be able to forget this episode for a very long time.

Cut to Mumbai,

I visited my grandmother who is 80 years old and she was waiting to see her great grandson from the time he was born. So in my super short trip to Mumbai, I had to keep 1 day aside for her. She was so overwhelmed by seeing such an active and cute baby that she wanted us to stay for some more days, but unfortunately that was not possible. To give you all a background about my next experience, there has been fallout in the past between my maternal uncle and my mom for some misunderstanding created by his wife and from past 5 years, we are out of touch. I was the world for my maternal uncle and suddenly he cut all his contacts with me for no fault of mine. I did not even get time to clear my side or ask him the reason for not talking to me. I accepted the fact that we were destined to be associated only till that period and I moved on, so did he and his family. Off late, my mother told me that he has started visiting and talking to her and she did take that sportingly, but now the emotions were dead. It has just remained a formality for her. My grandmother had told my uncle that I was going to visit her with my son and there was a faint ray of hope in my heart that he would come and see my little one because he had become a grandfather. Again, here my hopes were dashed and he proved again that nothing had really changed between us. Anyways, I am not really sure when I would ever be meeting him in my life with Tanay in Mumbai again.

And on the contrary, our (my and my hubby’s) common friends came to see Tanay with such enthusiasm. My mom’s very close friend and her husband came over at night just because they wanted to see me. They got gifts for him, blessed him, played with him, and talked to him. They came after office, they were extremely tired, but they took some time out. They did not want to miss this chance of seeing me and Tanay as I said earlier; I really do not know when a trip to Mumbai will be possible with him again. What was their relation with Tanay? He was my son, for them I was important and they came for me to see my son.

These two experiences strengthened my belief in the fact that ties and bonds made by the heart out of love and mutual respect are greater than the ties of blood. I have had these experiences in my immediate family, what else could I have expected from others, who were not a part of my family. But I got immense love, attention and care from all my near and dear and close friends. I do not know if I can ever thank them for being with me through thick and thin. I pity X and my maternal uncle’s family for missing the chance to interact with their very own kin.

Maybe they were not destined this happiness…

A new innings

 Getting back to work almost after 8 months is little difficult.

Managing 12 hours outside home when you have a baby at home is all the more difficult. But every working mother goes through this some or the other time. And there are quite a few challenges in this new role of a working mother. There are a quite a few friends of mine who have given up their careers for the sake of bringing up their own children. They might have not got or asked for any help from their parents or in-laws owing to circumstances and they might be also reluctant to send their kids to the creche. Moreover, they might want to be there in every moment of their child's development. I really respect such women. Being at home for the kid 24/7 and adjusting days, months and years together around the child's routine is really something. I had this experience for a month when I was alone with Tanay in Germany. I will admit here that I had also fancied the idea of taking a long break and looking after Tanay for at least 2 years and then start looking for opportunities, but then once you are out of touch and out of the circle, you are lost. Thanks to my hubby, he encouraged me to take up a good opportunity and I got back to work again.

It was difficult initially for the idea to sink in that I will have to leave Tanay and go to office. I thought, he won't miss me or recognize me. But that was again a fancy thing to think. How can a baby not miss or recognize his own mother? He would take some time to establish the idea of mom and dad and they not being around, but he will definitely acknowledge their presence once they are in front of his eyes. How stupid my thinking was! Being able to work and earn and be independent is definitely a wonderful feeling. Being able to earn in a field which you really like is a blessing in itself. You not only enjoy it, but at the end of the day, you leave the office with a feeling that I am doing something which does not seem work at all!

Being able to earn also helps you in providing the best for your kid, be it education or toys or clothes. As parents, we both are not very inclined towards providing high end and branded clothes and toys to our baby. Simple, uncomplicated and useful things impart the same knowledge as flossy, flashy things or toys do is our way of looking at it. This generation being very quick to learn and adaptive to changes is going to keep us on our toes and bringing them up is going to be a challenge of very different kind for us. The moral values have to be instilled very carefully in them as they will question every statement of ours. We never asked our parents the question why, but the same can't be expected from our kids. They will need an explanation for every thing we say and do and we have to carefully choose our words and actions. To get this to the children that though both the parents are earning, it is not easy money but hard earned money and I can't get everything and anything that comes out of my mouth is going to be very tough for the parents of our generation, I think. That is the reason it is said, bringing up a child is not a child's play. It requires a proper balance of good values and morals and habits. It requires immense patience and a will to make your child a good human being. Shining academically may or may not be possible for every kid, but helping him become a good human being is definitely in every parent's hands.

Let's all pray that the generation to come is fully equipped with all the good values, morals, positive energy to fight the vices and the wrong doers and emerge victorious in their respective fields. A lot of responsibility lies on our shoulders!!   

To my dear baby

 Dear Tanay,

You turned 8 months old just a while ago. And these 8 months have been phenomenal in my life. From the time of holding a tiny red bundle in my hands when you were just a few hours old till the time you started roaming all around the place on your stomach (though you crawl very well, but you are too lazy to do it), it is a journey to savor. Your cute and toothless innocent smile and squeals make me go weak in my knees and also bring tears to my eyes. The feeling of you belonging entirely to me is just out of this world. Every moment I spent with you was a moment of learning. Just as you took birth, the mother in me also took birth at the same time and so we both have been growing together since then.

You would be wondering nowadays, where does my mommy disappear in the morning? I see her only in the evening directly. Dear Sonny, I had to joined work because your daddy and I have to give you the best of everything and for that we both have to earn and take care of our careers too. Of course, you were and shall be our highest priority in life. Only that we have to divide time between our work and you. And you shall, no doubt, have the highest share, rather most of our time when we are all together. The first day to office after a long maternity break was very difficult to me and I was just physically present in office, my heart was with you all the time. I was calling home every 2 hours just to check on you. I knew you would be playing very nicely with your grandmother. You share a great rapport with her. In fact you are happy with anyone and everyone who is around you, who talks to you and plays with you. You are a very easy going baby when it comes to eating too. You are not fussy at all and enjoy every type of food which is introduced to you. Maybe you did not miss me, but I missed you a lot. I had spent every second with you from past 8 months that you were born and before that the entire 9 months when you were in my womb. So suddenly you not being around did leave me empty for some days, but then slowly I got adjusted. I waited to see your smiling face in the evening when I came back from office. Due to traffic in the peak hours, it so happened that I got very late and you were already asleep by then. I felt so bad, I wanted to wake you up and take you in my arms, but you were sleeping so soundly that I did not feel like disturbing you.

From next day onwards, I hired a driver and took the car to office daily. No doubt it costed me a lot, but then money is not really important than the time I get to spend with you in the evenings nowadays. I return home on time and get a few hours with you till you hit the bed. I feel very blessed when people say that you are a very cute, happy and ever smiling baby. I am sure you have inherited this trait from both your grandmoms and your dear daddy. You sleep on time, you get up early in the morning just like a big boy. You play on your own, but you need someone to be around in the vicinity which is ok for your age. You interact with every single person coming across with a nice, wide smile and that person is bound to be bowled over by this gesture of yours.

So, dear baby, I am going to miss some of your important milestones as I will be away in office. The very first things might be missed, but yes, I will always be there in every walk and talk of your life till you become independent and big enough to do things on your own. One day when you grow up and start understanding, I will tell you all this in person and I am sure you will bowl me over with your usual cute and innocent smile and say, Come on mommy, it's alright!

Bonding with pa

Sons and fathers have a different equation.

I saw it with my own eyes when I was in Germany. The man to man communication and the bonding was so very evident when Atul came home in the evening. Tanay might be also bored to see my face all the time from morning to evening. So he used to leap to Atul as soon as he was at the door. Even before changing clothes or getting fresh, Atul had to take Tanay in his arms and talk to him. Then after 10 minutes, he used to calm down and come to me so that Atul could change. After 7 pm, Tanay used to be in Atul's custody. I used to take care of the dinner and other remaining stuff.

It was so heartening to see them play together. Ideally, Tanay met his dad almost after 5 months, but as they say blood is thicker than anything else, they adjusted to each other as if they were always together. Atul did everything for Tanay except changing him after he did potty. But that is ok, I understand, he will take time to do that and I am sure, when he is alone with Tanay, he will even manage that. At nights, even putting him to sleep was Atul's task. He narrated the whole day's proceedings to him in the form of a song and within no time, Tanay was off to sleep. It was so good to see them together laugh with each other, do masti with each other. The father-son relationship has evolved over the time and I can see the difference when it comes to Atul and his father and when it comes to Tanay and his father!

It will be very interesting to see how both of them grow up with each other. They both are cool tempered and I will not be surprised if they both form one team and bully me with their pranks and talks!

Diwali dhamaka

This year unexpectedly, Tanay and I came back to India just before Diwali from Germany. Originally the plan was to return in December, but due to some change in plans, we all came back in last week of October. Then, I decided to spend Diwali in Pune with my in-laws. It was also the first Diwali of my baby boy and I wanted it to be special. Tanay's dad, however had to return to Germany as he works there. But some things can't be held and I hope to celebrate Diwali with him and Tanay next year at least!

I bought Tanay a cute little kurta pyjama and he looked super duper hit in that attire. I clicked a few snaps of him. Actually, any color suits him as he is fair and charming. We did the lakshmi pooja traditionally and just lit some crackers (which did not make any noise). Tanay was happy to see the area lit around him and he was not afraid of the crackers at all. I was fearing that we would cry due to the loud noises, but nothing happened and he proved himself to be a tough guy already!

There were a few guests to see and meet him, especially the people who were my in-laws friends. They all were happy to see such a smiling and happy baby. Tanay loves being with people and he does not have stranger anxiety at all. He is very sociable and he smiles at everyone. Only one friend of mine managed to come and see Tanay in Pune. She is a free lancer and hence could take out time. I had invited other friends of mine too, but they were busy with their office and couldn't manage. Hope to see them sometime soon!

This Diwali was special in the sense that Tanay was with us. His smile, his development, his laughter lights up our every single day. For me actually, every day, right from his birth is a celebration in it's own way because he gave birth to a mother in me just as I gave birth to him. In years to come, I hope, he has much more fun during this festival of lights and I would like to see him light up many more lives as he grows up just as he had done it for us!

The wonders of language

Scene 1:

Atul and I had been to Salzburg, Austria the last time I had come here. It is a beautiful city, clean and picturesque. We had taken a tour for the week end from a tourist agency. Everything was planned and executed very well. The cab came to pick us up from our location and there were 3 other pairs of people in our little van. 2 from Australia, 2 from UK, 2 from the USA and we were from India. The language which connected us was obviously English. I wondered, if there was no English, today we wouldn't have been able to interact with each other in the tour and it would have been so boring to sit like that seeing each others faces!

Scene 2:

There is a group of people in Karnataka, who share the same surnames as us, e.g. Velankar, Devdhar, Joshi etc., but speak the Chitpavani language. They are here since 4 generations and do not understand a word of Marathi, which is my mother-tongue. I came to know about the existence of such group when I came to Bangalore.We had been to a wedding in that group and again English came to our rescue. Their group and we were interacting in English! lol! Imagine again, if there was no English language, we, the people of same community (but separated due to location and language) wouldn't have been able to talk to each other. They do not speak Marathi and we do not speak Chitpavani.

Scene 3:

Last time, when I had come to Germany, we were staying in the guest house and there a lady called Maria served breakfast regularly. She was very strict and did not like people touching the bread etc. by bare hands. She often scolded people for being careless and dirty. I was initially scared of her, but once she got to know that I speak fluent German, she was totally a different person with me. She helped me find a good shop for buying chocolates at cheaper rates and she even gifted me when I came back to India. Once she got to know about my pregnancy, she sent nice gifts for the baby! Again, language came to our rescue here, where we both bonded over it.

Scene 4:

Here, in Germany, a Croatian woman comes for cleaning my apartment, twice a month. She speaks German, but with a very heavy accent. I understand German, which a commoner speaks. So the communication medium between her and me is her heavy accented German and then my understanding of her German and replying to her. Had I not known German, there would have been a big gap in our communication and we wouldn't have understood each other at all. She is a nice woman and she calls my little boy "Puppe" (doll). My boy is also happy to see Tante (aunt). She must be in her late 60s, but she calls herself aunt. She is very talkative and she does her work well. She calls me "Schatz" (dear), just because I offered her food when I was having lunch and she was immensely overwhelmed by it.

I was wondering, how and where this common language takes 2 people and how it binds them together for time to come. It helps them understand each other, to share their problems, joys, happiness with each other. It helps them to make better people and help each other in times of adversity. How I wish that different languages bind us all in a language of love and peace and makes this place a little better to exist instead of making it an issue and fighting over the language problem.

One month in Germany

This time it was different.

I had come thrice earlier to Germany, but in different roles. I had come here twice as a student and once after marriage, but before Tanay arrived. This time, I was a full time mother looking after my 5 months old son. And this was altogether a different experience.

Managing him alone without any help from the family members, friends was a great learning for me. Of course, Atul was biggest help. In the initial days, he cooked for us, made us feel at home by doing most of the things, he also went shopping for us. Once, I got into routine, I took over the cooking part and a little shopping part too. Due to which, I could take Tanay out for a ride and get him some fresh air. He immensely enjoyed those rides and smiled at everyone he saw. The Germans here were little surprised by his babbles, because usually German kids are given soothers all the time and I have hardly seen them cry or whine or talk in public. But this fellow enjoyed every little attention he got from the Germans. Especially the older generation, the grandmoms and grandpas came to talk to him and to see him. He smiled back to them and talked to them in his own sweet language.

Back at home, it was just Tanay and me from the time Atul went to office and came back in the evening. I am sure, Tanay must have felt bored seeing one face all the time. I tried in every possible way to enterian him, talk to him, play with him, sing him to sleep. There were other Indian families in the building, but they had their own routines and we hardly saw each other. I waited eagerly for Atul to come back every single evenning so that there was a third person at home and there was some interaction and noise in the house. I felt the pinch of absence of my near and dear ones greatly. In Bangalore, there were so many people around and also in the house and here suddenly there was just me, Tanay and Atul. But it completed our family, which was the biggest plus point of me coming here with Tanay. I even asked Atul, how on the earth he managed to stay alone all these months in this place. He said, he often thought of us and he talked to Tanay in his absence and told him all the things that happened during the day. I found it so heartening!

There is certain tinge of loneliness here unless you go out and work or have a really nice interacting group with whom you can talk and meet on daily basis. For a people person like me, this one month was of extreme patience and perseverance. I bonded with my son and my hubby, we were finally together after a very long time, which was the only and the biggest thing which helped me survive here.

Once my work starts, perhaps, I would be able to find other plus points of living here too! But as long as my son and my husband are with me, everything else should be secondary!

Amen!

The show must go on

 I was 10 years old when Lele kaka came to stay in my building.

We stayed on the ground floor and he had purchased a flat on the 2nd floor from Mr. Alurkar, who was staying there previously. Sudhakar kaka was a Chartered Accountant and had just started his practice. He was a bachelor yet and his parents were staying in Gujrat, where they were teachers. He was staying here alone and had a job in Mumbai. He was a very quiet and humble person, very soft-spoken. He talked to my grandparents with great respect and considered my parents as his brother and sister-in-law.

In a year or two, he got married and brought home his lovely wife, Dina, who was a freelance architect. They both got very close to my family and our family invited them to all the festivals, occasions, big or small. We became a close-knit extended family. My joy knew no bounds when I got to know that I am going to be a Tai to a little baby, which the Leles were expecting soon. A beautiful baby girl was born to them and I immediately felt responsible and big.

Leles named her Aparna and I became her Deepa tai. I played with her, fed her, even put her to sleep. Her parents even took my suggestion while putting her into school. I often accompanied Dina Kaku to school to bring Aparna home. I also went to the annual functions of her school, where I was invited every year. I never felt the pangs of being an only child, once Aparna was born. She gave me all the love and respect, which I always yearned from a sibling.

Aparna was a bright child, extremely intelligent and she was not only just studious, but she excelled in extra-curricular activities too. She showed me the report card every time, she stood first and also gave me all the updates of activities going on in the school other than studies. I was actually seeing myself in her and was very happy at her success.

I passed my 10th boards and got into the Arts stream. I had a passion for languages and took up German as a foreign language. I got busy in college, later MA, and then got into a job in Bangalore. But all this while, the Leles was always there for us and we stood for them in each and every event of happiness or sadness in their lives. I never forgot to wish my little sister on her birthday. One year it so happened that I was in Germany on a scholarship during her birthday and I called her from there. She was moved to tears and so was Dina Kaku. I told them distance doesn't really matter. Even though the call to India cost me a lot in my student days, I was not bothered about it. I was happier that I brought a smile on Aparna's face.

I got married and got busy with my routine, but Aparna always kept me abreast of what was happening in her life. We talked on the phone, we chatted online. I gave her tips during her German exams. Yes, she also started learning the language to be on a safer side. She had not chosen to follow the trend of getting into MBBS or Engineering even after scoring brilliantly in 12th boards. She chose to do graduation in Microbiology and took up language too. I was her guide and mentor and helped her in every possible way.

I was expecting my first baby and broke the news to Leles too. How could I not let them know about it? They treated me as their own daughter and they were extremely happy to learn about it. My mother had come over in the initial period and she was constantly called Dina kaku to inquire about Sudhakar kaka's health. He was in the hospital for a long time and I was wondering, what is that which is holding him for so long in the hospital? My parents did not tell me anything about the seriousness of his health because they thought it would affect my health in this delicate condition. But only when I was adamant to know, I learnt that he was diagnosed with blood cancer and it was in the last stage. For a minute, I couldn't believe my ears. Sudhakar kaka and blood cancer? That is impossible. That can't be. God can't be so stone-hearted to give such a good and wonderful human being such a nerve-wracking disease.

Aparna was at his side every single day. Her dad meant the world to her and she was always her dad's girl. He fulfilled every single wish of hers and she made me proud by getting excellent marks in almost every exam. I did not have the courage to call her and talk to her. I just inquired about his health by sending SMS daily. She replied promptly, but I could sense that she was losing the courage slowly as he showed no signs of improvement. I was hoping for a miracle and was believing in one, but then this time, God has his way and he snatched Sudhakar kaka from all of us. My dad was broken. He considered him as his younger brother and he had lost his confidant and friend and great support. He was much younger to my dad, but they bonded so well all these years.

I got to know about Sudhakar kaka's demise from my mom who was with Aparna and Dina Kaku in the hospital. Aparna wanted to talk to me and whatever she told me, I can never ever forget in my life. She was 14 years younger to me, but that time she became my Tai. She told me, "Tai, dad is no more with us. It is good in a way that he did not have to bear the pain anymore. His condition was just not bearable. Even we were in pain seeing him like this. Please do not think much about it. You are in a delicate condition. You need to be happy. Please do not cry. Be strong". I kept the call and started crying. Suddenly, this little girl of mine had become so big to tell me not to cry and be strong? Hats off to her! Really. I paid my homage to Sudhakar kaka from Bangalore itself and was a little sad that he will not be able to see my little one when he comes in this world.

I later learned from my parents that 100s of people turned up to take a last glimpse of Sudhakar kaka and Aparna and Dina Kaku did not shed a single tear when he started his last journey to the cremation ground. He was taken to the electric crematorium and within seconds Sudhakar kaka was not there amongst us physically. I couldn't meet him for one last time, but then there are things which are beyond our control. When I went to my home-town after a month, I was happy to see Aparna and Dina Kaku in their usual spirits, laughing and talking and being extremely normal. I was feeling very different in facing them after the demise of Sudhakar kaka, but they both seemed to have taken this loss in their stride, which is actually wonderful on their part. Instead of crying over the lost person, it is good to remember the good time spent with him/her and lead a life with good memories. The mother and daughter duo were exactly doing that. I did not feel for a single moment talking to them that Sudhakar kaka was not amongst us now. I felt as if he is out for some work and will anytime come back from office as he usually does.

I am sure he is smiling and showering all his love and care and blessings from up above. Aparna surely misses her dad, but that has not stopped her from going out with friends and enjoying life as a last year college student would usually do. She keeps herself updated with the latest fashion trends and likes to have the latest technological gadgets. She has not lost her focus and concentration on studies due to personal loss. Dina kaku keeps herself busy with her assignments and has accepted the reality that she will have to put up a brave face for her daughter who has her whole life ahead. Dina Kaku and Aparna are now even closer to me, my parents and grandmother and we all miss Sudhakar kaka very much on all our important occasions.

I have seen people waste away their lives in thinking about why their loved ones leave them suddenly like this. They forget to live their present while thinking of the past and here are Aparna and Dina Kaku who have put their greatest loss in the past and are smilingly looking at the future with of course Sudhakar kaka's memories and blessings.

I wish every person gets strength like these two wonderful and strong ladies!

Exam blues

 
I was running from post to pillar searching for my answer papers.

I went up and down in the entire school building, but couldn't find my answer sheets. It was the day of results and one had to personally find their answer sheets from an entire ocean of thousands of students’ profiles. I started sweating profusely and tears welled up in my eyes. How is it possible that only my answer sheets went missing? I had done pretty well in the exams (I suppose!!). Then where have my answer sheets vanished? Did I write so bad that teachers did not even care to mark them? Questions and only questions were entering my mind, but couldn't find anyone who could solve my dilemma.

Somebody gave a deep sigh and I opened my eyes. My little boy, Tanay, was sleeping next to me and was blabbering something in his sleep. It was then I realized that I was lost in the dream station and my favourite place of getting lost - exams were the focal point.

It is almost 10 years that I gave my last exams. I passed MA with flying colours with a first class and after that I did not appear for any exams as such. Then why is that this exam thing haunts me even now? I was a fairly good student in academics, loved studying. That is the reason, I never got any close friends in college, girl friends found me too studious and boys thought I was boring. I did enjoy my college days in my own way, but did no bunking or lazing around in the canteen etc. I wanted to get a decent place in the social circle by getting a good job and salary and that is the reason, I always wanted to excel in studies. My parents were never bothered about ranks and percentages, but it so happened that in the college, I always stood first. The trend started from First year of Junior College and continued till MA 2nd year. So there was no connection of me dreaming about exams every time owing to being poor in studies.

I would like to meet some dream interpreter and check with that person what does dreaming about exams repeatedly means? Maybe it has some underlying meaning. It might be a signal about some forthcoming problem/adjustment in life, which I am made aware with the symbol of exams. I am a mother to 4 months old and have to take care of his entire routine with help from my family, of course. Now I will be traveling abroad to join my spouse, so that is going to be an entire new life and experience. This is just my interpretation, maybe it might not mean anything.

Do you have any recurrent dream theme? Would you like to share it here? 

Phir milenge

Rama, Radha, Tushar and Rahul were bosom friends.

Tushar and Rahul were brothers and neighbors of Rama and Radha. Rama, Radha were of the same age, Tushar one year older and Rahul was 3 years older to Tushar. They all stayed on same floor of the same building. They celebrated every festival together, also fought with each other bitterly and it was also true that they couldn't stay without talking to each other for more than 2 hours.

Tushar and Rahul were Tamilians, Rama and Radha spoke Marathi. But language was never a barrier in their friendship. Tushar and Rahul spoke excellent Marathi, being born and brought up in Mumbai. Rama and Radha loved the food which Tushar's mom made and Tushar, Rahul and Radha savored the food made by Rama's grandmother. Rama's grandmother was a kind soul and she treated Rama's friends as her grandchildren. She narrated stories to them, made them sweets for special occasions and also gave them a good hearing when they were wrong.

These 4 kids played cards together, also played snakes and ladders, business game and they were equally active in playing outdoor games like hide and seek, badminton, "sonsakhaLi", "Vish amrut", "dabba ais pais" (the games in inverted commas are local games, am not sure if there is an equivalent word in English for them.). Tired and dirty, all rushed to Rama's house to drink cool sherbat kept ready by her grandmom. They all went to different schools. 2 brothers went to the same school, obviously. Girls loved their studies and boys were more attracted to outdoor games and activities in school. But still they all fared well in studies. Tushar and Rahul often got scolding from their mom. But boys will always be boys, won’t they??

Radha's parents were teachers and she also had a younger sister, who was very small. They all played with her and took care of her. Suddenly Radha broke the news that her family will be moving out as they have bought a new house on the outskirts of the city. It was a big bungalow, an independent house and with a heavy heart, Radha bid farewell to her best friends. She couldn't imagine her life without her 3 friends. Rama was feeling lost for many months together, she thought some part in her had gone far away from her. Slowly with time, the wound of separating from her best friend healed, but she never found another Radha. Rahul and Tushar got busy with studies and slowly started remaining aloof.

Rama, Tushar and Rahul were still neighbours. They remained in touch for years to come. But Radha lost touch with all the people of her first association. Rama and Radha passed their SSC, HSC and then did their separate careers. After their SSC in 1995, Radha had come to give sweets to Rama, but they both sat looking at each other like complete strangers. And then they did not meet each other or speak with each other till Mark Zuckerberg intervened.

Yes, just as the magical world of Facebook was thrown open to the whole world and helped hundreds and thousands of people to find their long lost friends, relatives, buddies on this social platform, so did Facebook reunite these girls. Rama and Radha still remembered the good old times they had spent together and they searched for each other on FB for many years, but in vain.

Finally in 2010, Radha managed to find Rama on Facebook and her joy knew no bounds. Rama was her friend’s pet name and her real name in school and on the social platform was something else. Radha managed to find Rama with her unique surname and then all the details of Rama helped Radha identify her lost friend. Rama was overjoyed to find a mail in her mailbox from Radha and all the past days flew before her eyes in a flash. She was happy to know that Radha was settled in Australia with her husband and two kids and she would be visiting India shortly. They both longed to see each other. So much had happened in between. Rama herself was married, happily settled with a kid, had a great career and was going places. Tushar had settled in Mumbai itself and was expecting his first child. Sadly Rahul was not in this world owing to the failure in academics. Rama, Radha and Tushar would definitely miss their 4th buddy all their life, no matter they get other friends. Rama wanted to tell Radha everything that happened in the past years.

Destiny – It is called. It so happened that Radha got transferred to the same city where Rama was settled and they decided to meet up. Radha turned up with her mom, her sister and her daughter and Rama’s parents, grandmother were also there with her. It was a historic meet and they both were overwhelmed. They hadn’t imagined that they would be able to see each other again and in this way, in a city, where they hadn’t thought of settling down in the future. Both the families were overjoyed with this re-union and they talked about how life was good, easy and enjoyable that time and how now there is lot of money, but no time for each other.

Yes, time changes, so does the life of people. But one thing never changes, that is the love between friends. Rama and Radha met after almost 17 years, but the love and the bond was still strong. I think it was due to their prayers, yearning and blessings of God that Radha and Rama finally got to see each other. Now they promised each other that they won’t lose touch and will keep each other abreast of all the happenings in each others lives. Meeting physically may or may not be possible very soon, but yes virtually they will always keep in touch.

So friends, cheers to the bond of friendship, cheers to Rama and Radha and god bless them with many more years of each other’s company!  
 

Changing dynamics of shopping

With a growing baby in the house and guests in the house, there are always some or the other things which are on your shopping list and one has to make trips to the shop every alternate day. Thanks to my dad, who manages the house and the trips for shopping every now and then.

Almost every week, I go to a shop, exclusively for baby stuff (0-12 years) and get some stuff for my prince charming. The other day, I went to the Lifestyle stores with my friend, Sonali, who has a daughter, 10 days older to my boy and I shopped like crazy. When I came back with the stuff and showed it to my mom, she was shocked to know that I spent a fortune in buying such tiny clothes for my boy. She was just not used to see so much spent on clothes, which she bought for dirt cheap in Mumbai. But I managed to convince here that Bangalore is very expensive and for getting trendy clothes, one has to shell out more money. Trendy! For a 4 months old? Yes, that is the in-thing. I have seen people dress their newborns in the cutest and most fashionable outfits.
 
I showed my parents the array of baby shops in Bangalore, Mom and Me, Just Born, Apple of my i etc. and online shopping sites (e.g. firstcry, babyoye, hoopos etc.) are teeming in numbers. I ordered diapers, quilt and a baby towel for my baby from online shops and the service was quite fast and good. When I was a kid, there weren’t any shops exclusively for babies and small kids. Local brands and local manufacturers provided durable and simple clothes at affordable price. No was so brand conscious then. We wore whatever our parents gave us and did not know that we could select and choose that time. Now 32 years later, my parents feel that the amount of clothes and toys for my 4 months old is equal to what I had got in my 8 years of childhood. How and why has the change occurred?

The purchasing capacity of this generation has increased tremendously, thanks to the fat paying jobs. Globalization has brought all the major brands from all over the world under one roof now. You go to a big mall today and you get all the necessities of life, be it apparels, grocery, gift items etc. in one trip. The small local shops have vanished into the oblivion in metro cities. But the fun to buy in the local shops is somewhere lost in the glamor of the brightly lit and finely decorated shops. We bargained so much that time and the shopkeeper also lessened the prices owing to the familiarity with the customer and the firm belief that the person will come back to his shop for next shopping. But now, the branded shops are hardly bothered if you like their stuff and will come back to them. No matter how much you buy now, it is never enough. Those days were of less money, less brands, less choices, but greater satisfaction.

I am still in a phase where my son does not dictate the colors and fashion yet. So, I am happily shopping for him all the possible and cute colors and clothes. It is fun to shop for him, though I do not have much choice for him besides shirt, pants, rompers. As he grows up, it will be much more fun to go shopping with him. It will be a good learning for me and sessions of give and take of information.   

Some unsolved mysteries

No, I am not writing any detective story or any thriller here.

I will try to address the mystery which intrigues me a lot after becoming a mother.

When I got to know that I am expecting, I went for an ultrasound and saw a little dot throbbing with full force. The foetus was just 8 weeks old and fast forward to June 2012, my baby was born and he was 8 weeks old too. The journey from the time the foetus began to breathe till my baby arrived in this world was just amazing. Science today tells us what all happens inside the womb and how a baby is formed. But there are still many things which science can't explain even today.

Do small babies have thoughts? What exactly happens when they start taking cognizance of the world in which they are born? What exactly runs through their minds when they see the people they are familiar with? When in womb, babies are known to be smiling. Why? What exactly is the process happening at that time? Even after the baby is born, they just smile and cry out of the blue. Why? Yes, most of the times, they are hungry or sleepy. But my boy gets up from the sleep crying very bitterly and he is inconsolable many a times. Only after cajoling, talking to him, singing to him, he calms down. God alone knows what he sees in his sleep. He also laughs while asleep. And then the next moment, he curls his lips, frowns and gives a big cry. I wish I could understand the meaning behind his sudden sprout of crying. My mother-in-law says that they see some people/things from their previous births and that often frightens and saddens them. I do not know if I should believe this, but there is no evident reason, but it also can't be ever found out even by extensive research. A human baby can never be formed outside human body, even though science progresses to still greater extent.

Why is one baby more active than the other? What decides when will the baby turn on his stomach or when he will move forward? How does the baby suddenly start to utter sounds? Is it already wired in the brain? Or again God whispers in their ears and asks them to achieve the milestones? Hard to contest this argument, but it can definitely not be proved by anyone that god does this or has no role in all this. There are certain truths which everybody can see, but can't be proved by anyone in this world.

I am highly inquisitive about this behaviour in babies, rather from the conception till death; it is a series of events which often leaves us in awe of the computer who has carved every person differently. The first few years are very formative and they lay the foundation for the next years in life. But then how does a baby move ahead with a certain temperament from the birth itself? Whatever we become in life is partially based on inherited genes and partially on the experiences we gain. But then why are genes stronger in some people and why is some other person's character purely made out of experience though he has good/bad genes? It is again inexplicable. The mathematics here is always not two plus two amounting to four.

Perhaps there is no answer to my questions right now, but in future, we might be able to find proper explanation for these things. Perhaps not and that will be something which will be still in the hands of that Almighty so that we believe in some power and admit that there is someone superior to us.  

The glorious moment

As I mentioned in my earlier posts, we have no track of time and days and months whatsoever.

Our day starts with Tanay and ends with Tanay. There is hardly anything else in our agenda and why should it be? With a 3 months old baby in the house, nothing else should really matter.

Last week, we had guests from Mumbai. My mom-in-law's mother, aged 82, her sister and brother-in-law visited us in Bangalore to meet Tanay. As the original plan of we going to Mumbai and Pune got scrapped, they decided to come over to see my baby. And that week was like a bonus to Tanay. Anyways, we were 5 people in the house already and these 3 made it even merrier for him. He enjoyed a lot, laughed a lot with them and gave them a nice time.

My grandmother, my dad's mother, aged 86 is with me since a month and a half now and with the arrival of another great grandmother of Tanay, we decided to hold a small ceremony for both of them and Tanay. In Maharashtrians, it is a custom that when a great grandchild is born, his/her great grandmother/-father shower flowers made of gold on him as it is believed that it is a golden moment for both of them. It is a rare phenomenon in earlier days, but nowadays, I have seen many families who have 4 generations intact.

So on a week day, we dressed up Tanay with new clothes and also asked his great grandmothers to put on their best saris. Then he was given in their laps and along with few grains, small golden flowers were showered on Tanay by them. I managed to click that moment and it will be forever etched in my memory. Tanay is really lucky that his old great grandmothers could see him and bless him with their love and affection. That photo is going to be a souvenir and I hope one day Tanay will be able to show his grandchildren, the portrait with his great grandmothers!

Amen!  

The changing dadda (daddy)

My best friend gave birth to a baby girl on Saturday and her husband, who is also a good friend of mine gave this good news to me through e-mail. His last sentences in the mail were, "Both the mother and the baby girl are doing great and I am over the moon". I was so happy to see this. From the time, my friend has conceived, more than her, he wanted a baby girl and he addressed the baby in the womb as "she" baby every time he spoke to her. Welcoming a baby in the world is getting more and more eventful for the new daddies, I must say.

My husband is not talkative types, definitely not like me. He speaks limited number of words to limited people only. But when I saw him talking to our newborn, Tanay, I was so thrilled. He was narrating him the events of the day and also what all things would they both be doing once we join him in Germany. He tried lifting him on the day he arrived with little help from my mother-in-law. If Tanay cried, he rushed by his side immediately talking to him in baby language, asking him what he wants and why is he crying. That initial bond between a father and a son was something new for me. I grew up as an only child and had no aunts, uncles with whose children I could play during childhood. In my family, I was the last baby, that was 33 years ago and then Tanay arrived this year. So, this experience of handling the baby was very new to me and my parents and we were doubtful of every small thing which we did for the baby. But over the time, things fell in place and now I can handle the baby alone. But my dad supersedes me in this. He can single-handedly take care of Tanay if I have to go out in emergency. My dad was not so close to me when I was a kid. He had his own problems to face and I feared him like crazy. But during the past 10 years, we have bonded very well and he seems to be there for every small or big thing in my life, which is now the usual trend with modern daddies.

Daddies of my generation are more friendly with their kids. They command respect, no doubt, but the fear factor seems to have lessened a lot over the time. Dads spend more time with their kids, take them to movies, read them books, talk to them about life and general things happening in their kid's school or college. I even saw a couple of daddies take their kids to the doctor which I found very sweet and adorable. All this while, it was the domain of mommies to nurse the kids in sickness, but now even daddies seem to take active part in all the activities of their kids. Many dads cook well in the kitchen and the kids enjoy hanging around with them. It is daddies again who introduce their kids to all the modern gadgets they use in their office. The other day, when I took Tanay to the doctor, I saw a small girl and her dad waiting for their turn. The daddy had a book in this hand and his little girl was exploring the new Samsung Galaxy S III phone with instructions from him. Daddies use laptop, i-pad, i-phone and what not in their jobs and so the kids are exposed to technology at a very young age and hence they become techno-savvy and pick up things very well. My best friend's 4 yrs old son wants his full time and attention on the w/e as he does not get time to spend with the kid due to work on week days. They both go to the park or to the station to see trains, talk about his playschool and friends. Mom is nowhere in the picture then. Another friend's daughter literally neglects her mom when her dad steps in the house after work.

The relation of fathers/daddies with their children has evolved with time. I have seen my dad and grandfather's interaction which is way different from how I and my dad interact. I scold him when he neglects his health and he makes me understand certain things like a mom would. And now Tanay and his dad would be on a different plateau altogether because both are a product of Gen-X. It is going to be interesting to watch Tanay and his father grow over the years. And I am so looking forward to a healthier and friendlier ties between the duo.

My first lessons

My little boy just turned 2 months old.

And it has been such a wonderful experience being with him all the time. Every day there are new things to be discovered about him and that makes him so adorable. Being such a tiny tot, he commands the time of all the adults in the house. I would rather say the whole house revolves around him and is busy to make him smile and comfortable and happy.

And I must mention here that my boy is a very happy soul, very cool and composed. He shares this trait with his dad, perhaps! He is having severe cough and cold from past 4 days, but not a single day is he irritated or sissy. The only time he becomes a little low was while drinking milk as he is coughing incessantly with every single sip of milk. But that lasts only for that moment. The next moment he is smiling to us and cooing. I find it really incredible. Such a maturity at this small age? I am not able to see him struggling during feeds, but he appears quite normal once the coughing stops. He did all his routine stuff like smiling to the fan, watching his great grandmother talk to him, cycling fast with his legs and playing boxing with his two tiny hands.

Tanay's approach to his problem left me thinking. How do big people react to small problems in their life, fuss about it and think that why are they targeted to face problems in their lives and how this 2 month old baby is reacting to a big problem in his life. (Big in the sense, I am talking with respect to his age. He had to be put on nebulizer as the cough was not reducing, which is quite normal nowadays.). Throughout the day, he is his cheerful self and brings joy to us with each passing moment. He now recognizes people well. Right now it is his mom, that is me, his aaba, that is my father and his paNji that is my grandmother. He also responds well to my maid and cook and listens them talk to him with keen interest. There is one more lesson to be learnt here. That is unconditional acceptance of people. No matter who you are, he smiles to you. His toothless smile bowls you over. He doesn't discriminate between his mom and the maid. We both talk to him and he responds equally to both of us which is so very cute. There is no difference between people in his life right now. Everybody is welcome in his world as long as you are talking to him and sharing the happenings with him. I am sure with this habit of listening people talk, he is going to pick up language fast and is going to be talkative, just like me!

How a small baby changes your world in a very positive way! One gets tons of patience in bringing the baby up and also gets educated in the bargain! I am looking forward to a few more lessons in the coming months!

Tanayisms

I named my son as Tanay. Tanay means "the one who belongs to the family", it also means a good son! I had this name in mind since the time I got to know that I am going to become a mother. This name caught my attention, how and why, can't remember exactly now. But I had decided if it is a boy, I will name him Tanay and if it is a girl, I name her Ananya. Both names are unique and meaningful.

Now that Tanay has entered our lives with a bang, he has captured all our attention and time. My parents won't keep him out of sight for a minute and will always take him in their arms and talk to him. They won't let him cry for a minute. I am little strict when it comes to his crying. I know it is natural for him to cry and it is his way of shedding some energy and then getting a good feed. I do not panic a lot when he cries. It is either because he is hungry or sleepy or has passed urine. Over a month and a half I can now make out the reason of his crying.

Now that we all have adjusted to each other well, when I talk to him, he makes his eyes big and listens to what I say. As if he understands everything. I am sure he does, but can't express himself right now. He loves listening us talk. Then anything and everything under the sun is ok for him to listen to. I give him all the updates in the day and he listens it with great interest with an intriguing look in his eyes. I have to sing him his favorite song when he gets cranky in the evening. That song was sung for Tanay's dad by his grandmother and then Tanay's grandmother means my mother-in-law sang it for Tanay. I also learnt it from her and now I sing it for him regularly. It is a song of his praises, how good he is and how obedient he is. I add all the things, which are unique to Tanay and make it long and interesting. If he is crying or irritated, he stops that very moment when I begin to sing his “praises”. He likes listening to music a lot. He especially likes the album of children songs “Chocolate cha bangla” and instrumental music. When I was pregnant, I listened to lot of music and that might be the reason that he is also interested in music.

He hates it when it is time for his massage and bath. Rehana, the maalishwaali, comes in the morning and the moment he is in her hands, he brings the whole house down with his incessant cries. His skin is very soft and sensitive. He becomes red all over when he sobs constantly. Other people in the building might have an impression that something is seriously wrong with the baby and the baby is ill or something. But by now, we know it is because he hates exercising and water. The moment he is out of the bathroom in my mom’s arms for getting ready, he is quiet, as if the baby who was crying all this while was not him at all. It is past one month now, but still he doesn't seem to enjoy a bit of the morning ritual. Rehana feels bad because he cries and doesn’t enjoy her otherwise relaxing massage and bath. Most babies outgrow it within a month she said, but my boy seems to be an exception.

His pattern of sleep is set to a great extent. He sleeps by 8:30-9 pm and then gets up twice at night, when he is hungry. He doesn't usually cry, but tries to wait and see if me or my mom get up and feed him without crying. I usually check on him after 2-3 hours and sense his discomfort immediately. I am a light sleeper. I can't sleep with lights and noise around and now with my Tanay around, I hardly have a deep sleep at night. Most peculiar thing of my boy is the different sounds he makes when he is asleep. My mom tells me most of the babies do, but when I inquired with my neighbors who have a baby boy and baby girl respectively, they negated saying their babies sleep peacefully without making any sounds. If he is asleep and there is a slight sound around him, he makes a peculiar sound, “eh eh”, as if he wants to tell others, hello, I am aware of what is happening around him.  But on the other hand he seems unperturbed by the sounds of aeroplane and thunder. In his dreams, he sees someone or something and cries "eeee" loudly, sometimes he leaves a deep breath as if he is talking to someone and that someone is useless and is not able to understand what Tanay is trying to say. Sometimes he laughs so loudly that it is heartening to see his toothless and innocent smile. Rapid Eye Movements is a common thing in babies and it helps their brain development it seems. I feel amused when I see Tanay with his eyes half closed and his mouth muttering something. I am really eager to know what exactly happens inside their brains and how it develops. Science has given us insights into so many things, but still what exactly happens during the developing stages in the babies brains is still a mystery.

His hands and legs move constantly when he is awake. He puts his own fingers in his eyes and then when it hurts, he cries in pain. This is something we can't help; it is a part of his growing up and realizing his body organs. He gets tired in the evening and then I massage his legs, change his clothes, put powder on his body and oil on his head. He smells so good!!! In the evening, it is a ritual in my house to listen to the “Vishnusahasranaama” and then chant the “Ramraksha” and “Maruti stotra”. I have been doing this since I conceived and Tanay might be well aware of it. Evening times, he gets little cranky, which most of the babies do. Now that he is one and a half months old, I plan to take him out for a little walk in the evening, before sunset. Let’s see when that is feasible for me.

I am sure, everybody who reads this and who has a baby at home and has brought him/her up will find lot of things familiar with what Tanay is doing right now. Isn’t it fun to watch our own baby grow with leaps and bounds? I saw him as a tiny dot in the 6th week of pregnancy and now he is in my hands, in flesh and blood and already 6 weeks old.  His grandparents dote on him a lot and he is lucky to have 3 great grandmothers! His father is away and missing all the initial fun, but then his dad will soon be with us.

Bringing Tanay up will be more fun with his dad being by my side!

Amen!