Connections

After shifting to a new locality and new home, with new neighbours and new surroundings, my Indian genes suddenly got into action and I wanted to say hello to the immediate neighbours, who share walls with us. I was under the impression that us being the new owners would make such a great difference to them that we would be hosting tea parties and hold meaningful conversations that would make an impact on each others lives. But I was grossly mistaken. Me and my fantastic ideas of world communities singing in harmony. 

The neighbours to the left is a couple in their 60s who are on their own after kids have moved out of the house. They both are still working. I tried my best to engage into initial conversations with them, but it seemed very forced and awkward. Whenever I saw them working in the garden or while going out, I made it my ultimate motive in life to say hello to them, to be seen by them, to be recognised and to be accepted. But it was always one-sided, always initiated by me. I have no idea what was I even thinking while doing that. When I think about the episodes of our interactions, I think I made a fool of myself. When I think about it now, I really feel stupid. I was making a genuine attempt at being cordial, friendly and helpful. But it made no difference in their life interacting with me, even after spending an year as neighbours. Then I thought to myself, I should stop making a fool of myself. I should invest my energy somewhere else. They probably don't need my presence in their lives, they have better things to do in life. I left that at it and decided to back off and stop imposing myself on them. I made peace with it and now if we happen to see each other by accident, I wait for a reaction from the other side. If there is no reaction, I ignore and move ahead. 

The neighbours to the right are an Asian family of parents and two school going kids like my son. We hardly see them or hear their presence next door. In the span of a year, we have seen them 4 or 5 times when we or they were going out. So there's hardly any interest or interaction with them either. 

Now some people might be thinking, are you here to find friends in your neighbours, no body has that time and inclination nowadays to bond over tea. Everyone is busy with their daily routine. 

I agree.

But, I have also managed to find a few wonderful friends around. The first and most dearest is the owner of the handsome male cat called Polo for whom we are a second home and second family. We often meet for tea, chitchat and indulge ourselves in the motherly care and discussions about Polo, my son and her grandkids. The second woman is a teacher at Kindergarten and is drawn towards Hinduism and naturally we both had to connect. We often discuss about the world, peace, happiness etc. The third woman whom I have befriended is always mesmerized at the decorations that we do for different Indian festivals and finds it fascinating how we are always so welcoming and happy. I gave her the Diwali snack box and she hugged me very lovingly thanking me profusely. She then got us Christmas cookies before Christmas and sealed our bond. The fourth woman who is also interested in Hinduism has promised to meet me in person this year to talk more about it at length. 

The people experiences that I just talked about are all non-Indians. But the experiences with our own people are also amazing. In the past eight years, that I have spent here, I have realised that there are already many groups, sub-groups formed based on interests, languages etc. and that we as relatively new people shifting to Germany, don't stand a chance to become a part of their inner circle. People have priorities and you are not a part of it, period. The sooner I accepted it, the better it became for me. I am deliberately on a back foot now. I have stopped seeking validation from people who don't want to keep in touch. I stopped being adamant for trying to become like them and one of them. 

Why do we seek validation from people? It's a core desire of being human, I guess. But after going through last few years of spiritual practice, I came to realise that people who want to be connected with you will eventually connect with you, no matter what. And those who don't contribute to your spiritual/personal/collective progress will wither away. Spiritual practice and my spiritual group has helped me achieve that peace, that tranquility and that belief that it's only you who is responsible for your own happiness and that the higher power in which you believe will always have your back. 

Here's to more meaningful people and conversations in life!