2019 seems to fly.
3 months down, another 9 to go.
My mother in law is visiting us this month and I am very happy to have a 4th person amongst us. We talk a lot about many things, about life, about our husbands. We always laugh and make merry. She participates in every single activity when she is here and makes tasty food for my tastebuds which have now gone bad eating the food cooked by me all these months. We often speak about the changes in lifestyle and behavior across the generations. I was speaking to a friend in Bangalore the other day when she exclaimed that even at the age of 40, she feels that she is unsettled. She sounded not very happy about it. And that set me thinking.
She was in Mumbai, then shifted to Bangalore, went back to Pune and now she is back to Bangalore. I can very well relate to what she is feeling and why she is feeling unsettled. I was in Mumbai first and then moved to Bangalore, spent a good number of years there, and came to Germany in 2013. Stayed until 2015. I went back to Bangalore and spent 2.5 years there until November 2017 and came back to another city in Germany. And maybe by the end of this year, I might go back to Bangalore. So you can imagine the state of my mind when I am hovering between countries and continents not knowing where exactly is my journey going to end and where exactly I am going to settle for good at the end.
I think the term "settle for good" doesn't hold good for the current generation and also for people like me whose husbands love moving to different places for better prospects. Most of the people, I know or see are on move, all the time. They travel to see the world, to gain experiences, to learn about different countries and cultures. Many people are willing to travel to different and less privileged countries for work purposes just to gain an insight into what really happens there. And people really seem to enjoy this constant movement. They don't like to settle down or get tied down to one place or job or house. They feel liberated and free in moving around constantly. I feel that's a great paradox. They don't want to stay back even e.g. aging parents or to nurture emotional bonds with friends and relatives where he/she spent most of the time.
That can also be a gender difference when it comes to the term "settling down". Women feel more rooted, safe, and calm when they are in one place for a long time. There is familiarity, there is support, there is less of chaos and uncertainty when they stay at one place. And that gives a woman, an environment that nurtures her soul and strengthens the social ties. But by constantly moving behind her husband and going wherever he takes her, that familiarity, that safety, that social network ceases to exist and then she has to again spend her time and energy to build all those things from the scratch. It's good if she is working, active, and goes out amongst people. But for women, who hardly interact with the outside world, it becomes a trap or a cage from which there is no escape.
Uncertainty in life can lead to many emotional problems and if such problems crop up, they should not be taken lightly and brushed off as a mere adjustment problem. The problems should be tackled wisely with the help of a specialist, if possible. And no matter how much your husband earns and gives you to spend monthly, that really doesn't satisfy the emotional needs of a non-working woman if she doesn't go out and see and talk and interact with others. The husbands would never understand this perhaps and I think all husbands should be sensitized towards this issue which will help them treat their wives in a better way and support her when she feels down or lonely.
The trend in which the world is moving and the speed at which it is moving alarms me sometimes and leaves me thinking if all the relations will now only become virtual slowly. We will physically meet friends and relatives lesser and lesser and aging parents and family members only on WhatsApp or skype perhaps!
3 months down, another 9 to go.
My mother in law is visiting us this month and I am very happy to have a 4th person amongst us. We talk a lot about many things, about life, about our husbands. We always laugh and make merry. She participates in every single activity when she is here and makes tasty food for my tastebuds which have now gone bad eating the food cooked by me all these months. We often speak about the changes in lifestyle and behavior across the generations. I was speaking to a friend in Bangalore the other day when she exclaimed that even at the age of 40, she feels that she is unsettled. She sounded not very happy about it. And that set me thinking.
She was in Mumbai, then shifted to Bangalore, went back to Pune and now she is back to Bangalore. I can very well relate to what she is feeling and why she is feeling unsettled. I was in Mumbai first and then moved to Bangalore, spent a good number of years there, and came to Germany in 2013. Stayed until 2015. I went back to Bangalore and spent 2.5 years there until November 2017 and came back to another city in Germany. And maybe by the end of this year, I might go back to Bangalore. So you can imagine the state of my mind when I am hovering between countries and continents not knowing where exactly is my journey going to end and where exactly I am going to settle for good at the end.
I think the term "settle for good" doesn't hold good for the current generation and also for people like me whose husbands love moving to different places for better prospects. Most of the people, I know or see are on move, all the time. They travel to see the world, to gain experiences, to learn about different countries and cultures. Many people are willing to travel to different and less privileged countries for work purposes just to gain an insight into what really happens there. And people really seem to enjoy this constant movement. They don't like to settle down or get tied down to one place or job or house. They feel liberated and free in moving around constantly. I feel that's a great paradox. They don't want to stay back even e.g. aging parents or to nurture emotional bonds with friends and relatives where he/she spent most of the time.
That can also be a gender difference when it comes to the term "settling down". Women feel more rooted, safe, and calm when they are in one place for a long time. There is familiarity, there is support, there is less of chaos and uncertainty when they stay at one place. And that gives a woman, an environment that nurtures her soul and strengthens the social ties. But by constantly moving behind her husband and going wherever he takes her, that familiarity, that safety, that social network ceases to exist and then she has to again spend her time and energy to build all those things from the scratch. It's good if she is working, active, and goes out amongst people. But for women, who hardly interact with the outside world, it becomes a trap or a cage from which there is no escape.
Uncertainty in life can lead to many emotional problems and if such problems crop up, they should not be taken lightly and brushed off as a mere adjustment problem. The problems should be tackled wisely with the help of a specialist, if possible. And no matter how much your husband earns and gives you to spend monthly, that really doesn't satisfy the emotional needs of a non-working woman if she doesn't go out and see and talk and interact with others. The husbands would never understand this perhaps and I think all husbands should be sensitized towards this issue which will help them treat their wives in a better way and support her when she feels down or lonely.
The trend in which the world is moving and the speed at which it is moving alarms me sometimes and leaves me thinking if all the relations will now only become virtual slowly. We will physically meet friends and relatives lesser and lesser and aging parents and family members only on WhatsApp or skype perhaps!
Funny is the world now that demands people to find happiness in unhappiness. It demands to root self by constantly uprooting ourselves. Hope the world changes or we change fast enough to feel no awkward when the demands are put on us
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