Reminiscences - 2013

As the clock ticks away and the figurative year 2013 comes to an end, I have amazingly managed to catch up on writing and post a few articles here and there, which should have been a fairly regular affair. I always say that and end up not writing. Nevertheless, I would today like to jot down a few random things that gave me an insight into the people and my life in this soon to be over year 2013.

In 2013, I realized that

- there is nothing like a 'bad' mother. Every mother, who is newly born with her baby faces, does face challenges and devises her own ways to cope up with them.

- Motherhood is not always blissful. It can be extremely tiring and mundane and exhausting sometimes. One need not feel great about it everyday. One can feel miserable about it sometimes!

- Euros can buy you anything and everything under the sun, alas not your loved ones.

- Euros can't always balance out the mental satisfaction one derives in working what one really really likes.

- German summers are not that pleasant and beautiful as I had imagined them to be. Your life can become torturous if you stay on the last floor and have no fans or Air Conditioners.

- People in this country can be extremely sweet and polite to you, but they will always keep you out of their lives and maintain a distance from you. Reasons, unknown! Maybe due to the color or due to the inability to trust and welcome someone of a foreign origin.

- You can be treated in an extremely rude and insensitive manner if you are loitering in the shops during the closing hours. No matter what they won't extend a single second of their precious services. Medical shops close at 1 pm on Saturdays and there are no regular pediatricians and other general physicians available on weekends. If you plan to die on a weekend, you will have to think twice and be ready to call an 'Emergency Service'.

- One can feel extremely lonely and homesick in the most economically developed country. Laptops, Tablets, Mobile Phones, Televisions can"t possibly replace human presence and their feelings.

- German colleagues, who are your very own teammates, can just ignore you even if you sit next to them in the train while coming to office. They do not do it purposely, it is just the way they are brought up. No one waits for you to start having food or no one pays for you when you go out for lunch unless specified likewise.

- Your neighbors can look through you and not wish you or greet you even if you show them all your teeth and make an effort to break the ice. I can never imagine this in India!!!

- Most of the Indians who come here on deputation or who are settled here for many years start considering themselves Germans, though they never find a place in the German race and culture. They start relying more on time and private space and run their lives by planning everything well in advance. The room for impromptu visits, inspite of several reminders and courtesy calls falls on deaf ears.

- Last, but not the least, it can be extremely amusing to watch your kid speak German and ask for a tissue and a fork at the table.

- The giggle and laugh of your kid can make you forget the boredom and his innovative ways to keep you busy can also test your patience.

On this note, I sign off and bid adieu to this year where initially I faced a lot of challenges in this country and the new role of a working mother. There was not a single external factor that was making my life difficult. I made peace with myself then and now live through it with a smile on the face. I am happy under all and any circumstances now!

2014.. Bring it on! 

The saving grace

As I mentioned in my earlier post about Atul's absence and Tanay's illness and the impending and boring atmosphere during the biggest festival of Europe, I was actually saved by my loved ones and how? Definitely with the help of technology to a great extent. Usually, I am of the opinion that the technology has enslaved the mankind, but in these 3 weeks, I was connected with my family and close friends through mobile phone, who gave me mental strength to be alone here, in this cold and hostile environment.

My colleagues, Mrunal, Shweta, Gauri made it a point to check on me daily, either by their presence or through whtapps. They stayed with me in the first week and helped me to sail smoothly through the first week. But in the later weeks, they all had already made plans for trips and hence they couldn't be there thereafter. My sister-in-law's brother and his wife, Jignesh and Rita stayed with me the longest and supported and helped me through the major tough times of Tanay's illness. I can't really thank them enough. They both soon became favorites of Tanay and he mixed with them quite well. They both pampered him and entertained him a lot. We all had a nice break with each other, there were things to share and talk and also take care of the little one. We saw movies, went out shopping, talked about the differences between Maharashtra, Gujrat, Karnataka, Delhi and Germany. In this place, we all shared a common bond, being Indian, being able to speak and understand Marathi. Rita cooked dishes for us and we shared a great rapport. I will definitely cherish this time with them and look forward to merry times again, minus the illness phase, of course!!!

My new friend, Arpita from the Marathi Muli in Stuttgart group on FB, was in touch with me constantly through mobile. She guided me to deal with Tanay's newly surfaced tantrums and gave me tips to deal with him in a quiet and peaceful manner. His illness, crankiness were taking a toll on my mental balance and I was somewhere losing it, but thanks to her, I learnt that kids go through this phase and it will soon wear out. My best friends, Sonali and Snehal from Bangalore were in touch with me asking me about the developments in Tanay's health. I felt so blessed to have these friends around. Though not physically, I was always there in their thoughts and prayers. They treat Tanay as their own son and they were worried about me being alone here managing everything. I would also like to mention a few other friends here who helped me with their kind words. Thanks Ralf, Deepu, Sharvari.

My mom, dad, both the grandmothers met me almost daily on Skype and tried to cheer me up. They tried boosting my morale with their kind words and acts, but I am sure, the circumstances here must have made them worry about me and Tanay. They didn't obviously show it on their faces, they wanted me to be strong and not lose patience, but I am sure, mom and dad would have sat their listless and prayed for us. Parents and parents, aren't they.. I wish I become a good parent like them for my little fella too!

I often thought to myself. Why was I feeling so lonely and helpless here? Germany has the best of the best technology, infrastructure. Things are quite simple and easy here, there is nothing to fight for here! Everything is taken care of, right from water, electricity, internet to means of transport and food. Then, why was I struggling mentally daily in and out without Atul? If Atul was here, I would have definitely not felt the pinch, but I realized that without him here, everything seemed so bleak and hopeless. Oh my, was I missing him amidst all the friends and the so-called 'freedom' which he claimed I would enjoy, when he would be away? Yes, I suppose, as I was not enjoying a bit of the freedom. Maybe I am a too emotional and dependent person and I need him to feel affirmative about things and circumstances in this foreign country. Am I wrong in feeling something like this? The feminists may not agree and even Atul may mock at me for being such a weak woman, but then that was what I genuinely faced and felt in these 3 weeks. I have stayed away from him quite a few times, but that was in India and with all my family and friends around. I did not feel so lonely and helpless then as I felt now in these 3 weeks in a country, where I could actually understand and speak the language. I realized that nothing and no one can substitute my dear husband's presence and the presence of loved ones, dear friends and family in my life. I am people person and I shall always be. I shouldn't be ashamed of myself when I say I need people to survive. I can't find bliss and peace in self and in being alone.

I have already warned Atul that he can't leave me and Tanay like this and go away on a personal holiday, no matter what he thinks and feels, we will follow him, wherever he goes, except on business trips, of course!!!

The saving grace has been and shall always be people and their Love for me!!!!

Would you agree?

Merry Christmas!!??

December is my most favorite month of the year.

In India it is the best time to go for picnics, outings, sit and chit chat with friends and yes, most of the weddings happen during this month, so it is a great time to catch up with relatives and friends. In Europe, in Germany, it is the beginning of Winter and the most important festival, Christmas falls in this month itself. The festivities begun right from the first week of Christmas here. The shops and streets are lit, there are discounts all over and people are as usual on a shopping spree and in holiday mood.

This year unfortunately, it was the most boring month for me, here in Germany. Atul was away in India for a holiday. Tanay and myself stayed back, though I so very wanted to go to India. But somehow, I convinced myself that I would be able to manage this front alone. I was so very wrong!! Barely 1 week passed by well as we both were busy with my office and his creche. But then suddenly my little baby developed conjunctivitis, thanks to the various infections that were hovering in his creche due to the onset of winter. I took him to the doctor and got medicines and then he developed ear infection with high fever. Again I had to rush to the emergency hospital and get him antibiotics. Fever subsided, but his health deteriorated. He became extremely cranky, fussy and irritable. The weather had also become so unpredictable and lousy that I couldn't take him out anywhere. Thankfully, a couple friend agreed to come over and stay with me so that I was not left struggling alone, managing sick Tanay, buying groceries etc. My office colleagues came on and off too, but as it was vacation time, they had plans and they felt sorry that they couldn't be with me. But I understand their situation and I can't thank all the people enough who in some form or the other were there when I needed their emotional support.

And to add to the spoilt mood, exactly on the Christmas day and the next, it rained a lot and it was very dull and grey outside. It was the saddest and most boring time of my life. I didn't see any person on the road, no noise, no sound, no celebrations in public, it wasn't even a white Christmas. All shops were closed for 2 days. Buses and trains were plying, though not regularly like on other days. I am sure the people would be celebrating with their own people in the confines of their homes, but for me, my people, Atul and my parents and friends all were away, in India. Tanay was of course there, but he is too small to give me company and understand the external factors. He was trying to find some entertainment in the things available at home. He suddenly got very possessive about mobile phones and laptops and I tried very badly to divert his attention, with little or no success. I thought, it will be all right, once his baba returns. So, I am waiting for our routine and lives to get back to normal!

Merry Christmas!?

Neeeeee

I really hope and wish this was the first and last Christmas, so dull and so gloomy and so sad!!

The Lantern festival

After a fun filled celebration of Diwali, ‚the festival of lights‘, it was time to celebrate ‘The Laternefest‘ in my son’s crèche. It literally means the lantern festival, something, similar to our Diwali festival! It was organized by the crèche authorities and the notice was displayed almost a month ago asking the parents to confirm their presence. I had put my response long back and was looking forward to the event. It was going to be our first event at the crèche with the German kids and their families, so was little excited and nervous. 11^th November, Saint Martin’s day is the day when this Laternfest is celebrated every year.

We gathered at 4 pm in the crèche and the turnout was quite good. Many parents had prepared the lantern at home, I hadn’t! So I had the option of picking up one from the lot which was kept for parents like me who couldn’t manage doing it at home. The director, Miss Schiffer was the only amongst staff who was participating in the procession with a group of kids as most of the parents were there for the event. She led us all. We got out of the crèche with our lanterns and children at about 4.15 pm. The lantern had a stick and an automatic light, which could be switched on and off with the help of a button. It was so innovative. I couldn’t have imagined something like this in India, where the lanterns light up only with the help of electric current. It was decided to walk a particular stretch near the crèche and we set off in groups with our kids. There were kids of all shapes and sizes. Some were in the pram, some wanted to walk. We walked a distance, waited at one spot, sang one song and then moved ahead. The handout of songs was already made available to us. I sang with other parents too, it was fun, singing in German, first time in 15 years after I learnt German. I had sung German songs while doing the courses in Max Muller Bhavan. I heard a lot of German music later, but hadn’t got a chance to sing in German. It felt good. My toddler obviously had no clue of what was happening. He was happily walking on the road with his best friend, Julian and giving poses for pictures, which was taken care by the director’s husband, Mr. Schiffer. We were also trying to mingle with other parents by talking to them about various topics. It was a nice walk with lot of talking, cheering, singing. The weather was also optimal for a walk and as it is the beginning of winter, it became dark by 5-5:15. 

We took a round and came back to the crèche. Bretzels, cake, hot tea was awaiting us and we all munched on the goodies interacting with each other. We all returned the lantern sticks so that they can be used next year and went home with a smile on our face. It was a well organized, well managed event with so many kids around. The patience and perseverance of the staff taking care of the kids spoke so much without words actually. They all made this event a hit, with and without their presence, but with their planning love and affection.

Happy Diwali!

India, as everybody is aware of, is a land of festivals and one of the festivals celebrated on a grand scale is Diwali, festival of lights! It is a festival celebrated elaborately for 4 days depending on the lunar calendar. This year, this festival was all the more special, because I celebrated it with my extended family. We met here in Stuttgart, on the basis of our common mother-tongue and slowly we became stronger and closer and organized. This year, we celebrated many events and one of it was the grand get-together for Diwali celebrations and it was a great success.

A preparatory meeting was held to discuss about the proceedings for that particular day and the girls quickly chipped in with ideas, games and of course the main thing, delicious Indian food, homemade food by all lovely girls in the group. Responsibilities were taken, decisions were made, arrangements were taken care of, and hall was booked. And the day dawned. It was Sunday, 3^rd November 2013. The weather was rainy and chilled, but that didn’t dampen our spirits and enthusiasm. Most of the girls wore beautiful saris and the children were smartly dressed in traditional wear. Men also got to know each other and they mingled with friends, taking care of their kids as well, while the girls were busy on stage and back stage.

VP and MC welcomed one and all and gave a fair idea of the events during the day and thus our day began with the puja (worship) of goddess Laxmi, who bestows wealth to her deities. It was carried out by the in-laws of a fellow member, SG. They, both being quite senior in age and experience praised us for this initiative and blessed us with many more good times together. It was VP’s son’s birthday and he cut cake in our presence and we sang the English and the German version of the song and clapped for him and blessed him. 3 delicious cakes were of keen interest to all the small kids gathered there. We all had our share later during the lunch time. Up next was a dance performance on the song ‘navlai majhi laadachi ga’ from the movie, English Vinglish’ by MC, DB and DG. It was a sight to watch. All the people were whistling, shouting, cheering and suddenly after the ladies ended their performance, all the other girls joined in for a second round and they danced very gracefully in a big circle on the same song. Laughter, cheering, whistles filled the hall again. After that the small kids danced to the famous Marathi balgeet ‘Asava sundar chocolate cha bangla’. DG was the choreographer and she was guiding them sitting opposite to them. The kids were so adorable. Some were dancing, some were looking here and there, some were forgetting the steps, but each and every one of them was enjoying to the core. Fathers and Mothers were cheering them and they completed their performance with a huge round of applause. There was also a solo performance of AS’s son and he danced well to the Marathi song of Salil Kulkarni, ‘kon dete kon dete’. I was really amazed at the confidence of these kids. How well they presented themselves with no fear of new faces or crowds. I do not remember how I reacted on stage, when I was 3 or 4 years old. But all these kids really brought a smile on our faces and made us proud.

Next up were KG and HP. KG was on Santoor and HP on a Peruvian drum. They presented the raag ‘Bhup’ from the Hindustani Classical Music stream and it was a treat for the ears. It was extremely relaxing and soothing and there couldn’t have been a better occasion than Diwali to present such a melodious performance so rooted in our culture. Up next was the versatile DG again, this time with her solo performance. She danced with grace and dedication as always. This time the song was ‘Kahe chhede mohe’ from the movie Devdas! As usual she put up an outstanding performance and the hall was again filled with cheers and laughter and claps. Then there was a Kathak dance performance by SG and her 8 year old student, JP’s daughter. Without music, without accompaniment, just on the basis of oral commands, they both put up an excellent and graceful performance. SG is a trained dancer, she had to be good, but the 8 year old JP was the cherry on the cake.

There was a huge room called the Kinderzimmer where there were lot of toys for the small kids and most of the kids were busy in this room, letting their moms and dads enjoy the program. I couldn’t follow much of the program because I was after my one and half year old, who was going everywhere else than where he was supposed to and hence I was after him all the time. Then we all took a break for lunch. All the girls had cooked something or the other and it was quickly assembled on the table along with the plates, spoons and water amongst other things. The menu was awesome. Puri, Potato bhaaji, choley, pulav, gulab jamun and raita, salad. A well thought menu prepared with great love and affection by all the girls for each other’s families on a festive occasion like Diwali! Everybody was happy, content and had a smile on the face. The food made us sleepy and lethargic, but then quickly a game called mix and match was played. Chits of the names were to be picked out and 2 people had to talk with each other and then 3 qualities of the other person had to be told to the public. It was nice fun. This was planned by AB and her husband. Girls also played sangit khurchi (musical chair) and dumb charades. Then it was tea time along with the delicious Diwali faral, again prepared by the girls. Heavenly! Time flew like crazy and we did not realize that it is 5 pm. Before leaving, the room had to be cleaned, the remaining food had to be sorted out and crackers had to be lighted. With all this taken care perfectly by the girls, the families left with satisfaction and happiness and this day was carved in the memories of one and all that were present that day. Day well spent in a country, where we all have come for job purpose, for studying for taking care of the house and kid, while the husband works. We all are far from our motherland, from our parents and friends. But we have found each other here and happy to be one big extended family.

Girls! Great show! No fights, no gossips, no heart breaks. Amazing na? Women power rocks! I thank you all for this wonderful day. Though, I couldn’t contribute much to the event, I enjoyed being a part of it along with my son and husband. I look forward to many more bonding times ahead!

Amen

   

The Winter shopping

The seasons in Europe are clearly marked and they make their presence felt during that time too!

Dec, Jan, Feb - Winter
Mar, Apr, May - Spring
June, Jul, Aug - Summer
Sep, Oct, Nov - Autumn

So, right now Germany and of course, I am experiencing Autumn and I can't describe it in words how beautiful the trees are looking right now with their orange, yellow and red shades. Slowly all the leaves will wither and the trees and the mountains would look sad and barren and frightening. The first-timers to Germany are looking forward to the snow and the beautiful sight which it brings with it. I have seen the snow 2-3 times now and I am really not waiting for it eagerly. It is a beautiful experience when one is at home, inside, in a cozy little place with some nice music and a coffee to sip and a favorite book to read. Not when one has to walk and catch the train and go to office or bring the child back home from the crèche, struggling with his pram, trying to make way in the snow clad streets. So, to be fully prepared for this and make my life easier during the coldest times, I decided to buy a good pair of shoes and jacket. I knew that I had to invest a good amount for a real good pair of shoes and a winter jacket, but as I was going to spend 2 winters here, I decided to go for it. There is a saying in German 'Es gibt kein schlechtes Wetter, nur schlechte Kleidung', which means there is no bad weather, it is only due to the fact that we do not dress up properly that we feel that the weather is bad. I didn't want to take any chances this year as I had to take care of Tanay properly and for that I need to be fit and sound. Not that I slip and fall in the snow or get cold and fever. 

My Indian neighbor here came to my rescue. She is a great fashionista and she loves shopping, she is also well aware of what is available where and at what price. So, we both marched to the market and found all that I need in my town itself. I just had to cross the railway station and I found two good pairs of shoes and a winter jacket and a winter coat, all in good 180 Euros! I was very happy with the stuff that I got and I said to myself thinking about the winter, 'Bring it on'!! And the week I got the stuff, the temperature dropped down to zero degrees and I got a chance to test the jacket and shoes for the same. And to my amazement, I did not feel cold at all. I was very cosy in the winter jacket and the shoes provided warmth to my feet and I was so happy to walk to office that I did not dread the winter anymore. In the next week though, the temperature rose to 12-13 degrees and when I wore this stuff, I was sweating. I realized, that these shoes and jacket are worth to wear only in sub-humane, (i.e. 5 degrees and below for me) conditions and I put them aside for a week or two. I also checked the weather forecast for the month of October and November and snowfall is not expected till November end at least. Let's see if we have a White Christmas this year in Stuttgart, which has actually happened rarely.

All these times, when I was in Germany, I hardly had a good jacket and a good pair of shoes to fight winter. I feel amused when I even think of it. How did I walk with sport shoes in the snow last time when I was here? What was in my mind when I did that? Thankfully, I didn't injure myself. Now, this time, with age and maturity and experience, I am well equipped for the harsh winters in Germany and I wish if I had proper clothing in the years that went by, I wouldn't have dreaded German Winter so much!

Na, ja, all's well that ends well!

 

Boon or bane

My best friend, John is on a writing spree and I feel good to see him like that. He rightly pointed out to me that I have not being writing for some time now. The last post was from 19.09 which is almost a month ago. What has happened to me? Why am I so lethargic when it comes to my favorite activity, writing? 

I dread to sit with my laptop at home in front of my little one. He immediately comes running from any corner of the house that he is in and sits in my lap waiting to pounce on the keys and 'appear' as if working very seriously, just like his dad! My laptop has once crashed, thanks to his unceasing pounding of keys with his tiny hands. Had to get it repaired and then it has become dead slow. I do not want to work on it anymore and thought of having a Tab where I could easily work on it. Tab arrived with my mom as a gift from her and my little one had another toy to play. He just does not want to play with his toys and he does not even let the tab charge, when I put it for charging. He loves watching videos of his favorite Marathi songs on it all the time and knows how to switch the song off if he is bored with it. I wonder how fast this generation is!! What was in my hands when I was one and a half years old? I played with dolls and my grandparents. Here, there are none. Toys are plenty, but nothing as fascinating as a cell phone or a laptop or a tab, perhaps. Why are the little ones attracted to these electronic gadgets so much? What could be the reason? Is it only due to their tremendous curiosity that they want to handle these things and you all will agree that they do it aptly and smartly! I have seen school kids having mobile phones. I am not sure whether it is really helpful to give a mobile in their hands at such a tender age. It is debatable and when it comes to my son, I will be in a better position to write about this.

So, I was thinking, inspite of the fact that I have a Samsung S3, Micromax tab and a personal laptop, why is it that I am shying from penning my thoughts regularly on these gadgets? It is definitely simpler and suave than taking a pen and a paper and sitting in one corner where no one disturbs me and putting all in reality that is just a vague thought.. Is having a lot of techno gadgets at my disposal not a boon to boost my creativity with minimum of efforts? Or is the will lacking? I think it is the latter. I must gear myself and pull up my socks and get back to writing which gives me the most happiness. I know, I have strayed a bit here and there now and then, but I have always come back on track.

Let me encourage myself to see me writing more often and expressing more often.

Buck up, Mrunalini!!

John! I will be there soon!!

The Creche (day care) episode

When I came to Germany six months ago, I didn't have the slightest idea of what was in store for me with regards to the day care scenario for my boy.

The day care system here is very different than in Indian. I had the responsibility of taking my lil boy to the day care, sitting with him there for some time and bringing him back and it was a different experience all together.

My boy is a stranger friendly person, he doesn't get intimated with new faces. Initially he liked the new toys and new friends to play, but when he realized that he was going to be left alone there without me or his daddy, he started crying his heart out. It pained a lot to see him cry like this, but I thought, there is no way out. He will learn to be there. He will like it there. His care-taker took a lot of efforts on him. Language was the biggest barrier, which I thought was a hindrance in the feeling of being at home. I spoke to him some words in German, but basically, it was German the whole day through and that was the reason, perhaps, he took the longest time to get adjusted there.

When I look back now, I feel relieved that those days are over and my boy is back to his usual cheerful self even in the crèche. He is the most talkative and also the loudest kid there, he is very expressive, he picks up words spoken to him very fast, and he remembers the names of his friends and often mentions them at home too. There are many activities which are conducted for these kids besides the usual disciplinary and day care routine. One day he brought home his first ever drawing, lines drawn here and there with crayons. And the other day I was asked to decorate the photo frame for his photo, which would be kept in the crèche as his profile photo. I decorated it with whatever limited resources I had that time and returned it to his care-taker. She liked it very much. His care-taker plays guitar for all the kids sometimes and all the kids sit quietly listening to it. That is very heartening to watch! Like good, disciplined kids, everybody sits around her and hum with her too. They all look very cute and adorable! They are taken out to the Wald (forest, jungle, rather a place where there is a lot of greenery along with place to sit and talk) to play areas when the weather permits. They are packed in the buggies, food is taken along, jackets, shoes and off they go! There are many play things in the crèche itself for them to play. E.g. there is a big see through, go-through tunnel or a small see-saw. There are regular activities with parents too. On the coming week end, there is an activity of kite making with daddies around. There was also a brunch organized in Summer, where the kids were showcased, with their photos and profiles.

Now, when I go to leave my boy in the day care, he no longer cries, he himself walks to the breakfast room and runs to his care-taker who offers him bread and butter, his favorite food! Also when I go to pick him up, he is not very willing to come home. He wants to spend time with his friends and the care-taker. He lovingly embraces his care-taker before signing off and tromps out smiling, saying Tschüß to his care taker.

After two and a half months, he has finally settled there and seeing him settled and happy there, has made my life easier and happier too!